Sunday, January 29, 2012

New Tizona Post

How do “Frederick, MD” and “Occupy” end up in the same sentence? Behold, Occupy Frederick!
Read more at The Tizona Group.


Monday, January 23, 2012

Heart, broken

It was going to be a game that came down to turnovers. That was supposed to favor the 49ers, who finished the season an astounding +28 on turnovers. Of course, that was before Ted Ginn was declared unable to play because of a bum knee. It was yesterday that we all learned just how valuable Ted Ginn really is to the 49ers.

He was replaced by Kyle Williams. Kyle MF'ing Williams.

It seemed as if old Kyle thought he was playing in some meaningless pickup game instead of for a chance to play in the Super Bowl. He carelessly bobbled a pitch early in the game, fortunate to fall on his own fumble. He dove (DOVE!!!!!) to catch one punt, coming up with it, but risking a costly turnover with really nothing to gain from it.

And then he got down to seriously screwing the pooch.

A poor punt by the Giants resulted in a ground ball bouncing along the sideline. Even a fan like me knows what the punt returner is supposed to do in that situation - yell out the signal for blockers to get as far away from the ball as possible and then do likewise.

Oh, but not Kyle MF'ing Williams. No, he ran alongside the bouncing ball like a retarded dog chasing a stick. The ball grazed his knee and was recovered by the Giants. It's bad enough that the asshat broke a cardinal rule of punt returns by placing himself in the path of an erratically bouncing football. It's what he did after the ball grazed him that made this heartsick Vulture lose his marbles. He made no effort to chase down the ball. Rather, he play acted that the ball hadn't touched him, and acted all aggrieved when the referee confirmed the call on the field, that the ball had touched him and was Giants' ball.

A handful of plays later, a Giants touchdown gave them the lead.

The Niners moved down the field and tied the game at 17, where it remained at the end of the 4th quarter.


Overtime looked just like the final minutes of the 4th quarter. The 49ers couldn't mount any offense. The Giants were being dominated by the 49ers defense.

Enter Kyle MF'ing Williams.

The Giants punted after yet another 3-and-out. Williams fielded the punt cleanly, took a few steps while holding the ball like a loaf of bread, and was promptly stripped of the ball.

The Giants were in field goal position at that point, but they ran a few plays to set up a closer field goal, which they made to win the game 20-17.

So here's the breakdown. The 49ers defense allowed 10 points in the first half, but didn't allow a drive of over 30 yards or allow the Giants to cross midfield from the 3rd quarter through overtime.

The Giants only two scoring chances in the second half and overtime were gifts courtesy of Kyle MF'ing Williams. Those two scoring chances resulted in 10 points, and victory for Big Blue.

The final score of that game should have been 17-10 or perhaps even 14-10. The Giants rightly should have been shut out in the second half. The 49ers should be the team headed to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl.

But that isn't how it turned out. Thanks almost entirely to Kyle MF'ing Williams, it's the Giants, not the 49ers, who will represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

Thanks a buttload, Kyle. You single-handedly destroyed your team's dream season.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A dream season continues

A Division title - the first in 9 years. A playoff victory - the first in 9 years. Oh, but it wasn't just ANY playoff victory. It was one of the most exciting and suspense-filled games I've ever witnessed, and, trust me, in my 53 years I've seen a metric shit-ton of football games.

The 49ers jumped out to a 17-0 lead on the strength of 4 forced turnovers in the first half. The Saints rallied to close to 17-14 by halftime. Going into the fourth quarter, the 49ers lead 20-14. The Saints hit a field goal. The 49ers hit a field goal. At 23-17, it was exciting, but nothing special. Ah, but the last 4:11 was something beyond special.

The Saints scored on a quick strike pass to Darren Sproles to take their first lead of the game, 24-23, with 4:11 left on the clock.

Now, you gotta understand what goes through the mind of a fan who's lived through the torture of 8 straight losing seasons. Not just losing seasons, but seasons ranging from putrid to merely mediocre...but mostly putrid. I'd seen this movie about a half dozen times over the previous 8 years. Niners exceed expectations, jump to a big lead....and then managed to lose -- sometimes badly. This seemed oh so much like deja vu.

Ah, but the script changed. The Niners marched down the field, getting a big play in the process on an Alex Smith to Vernon Davis pass for 37 yards. It wasn't the first the two had during the game. It wouldn't be the last.

With 2:18 remaining in the game, on third and eight from the Saints 28 yard line, the Niners pulled a complete surprise out of the back of the play book. Alex Smith took the snap from shotgun formation, then sprinted left. A seal block by diminutive wide receiver Kyle Williams on 280-lb defensive end Will Smith made the first down certain. But it was sprinting left tackle Joe Staley, who laid out a Saints safety at the 5 yard line, who assured the score. A two-point conversion attempt failed, but no matter; the 49ers had retaken the lead, and their top-notch defense was going to seal the victory. I was sure of it.

Uh, yeah.......about that.

Drew Brees is one of the most amazing quarterbacks I've ever seen. He's a first-ballot Hall of Famer, for sure. A 5 point deficit with just over 2 minutes to play is nothing to him. He connected with all-world tight end Jim Graham for a 66-yard lightning bolt, and I was right back to those deja vu feelings all over again.

Now the shit was real. A poor kickoff return left the Niners stuck on their own 15 yard line. Only 1:37 left. I might have been optimistic had the QB been named Montana or Young. But, as much as I like and admire Alex Smith, he's no Montana, no Young. Or, at least he wasn't prior to this game. It was time for Alex to step up and play like the former greats.

It seemed so obvious at the start of the drive; get down the field, kick a tying field goal, hope for the best in OT. The 49ers had other plans.

On the second play of the drive the 49ers surprised the Saints with a deep crossing pattern to Vernon Davis that went for 47 yards down to the Saints 20. I started to believe again - we were going to get that tie, and we were going to overtime. Two plays later, the 49ers showed me and the world that OT wasn't in the plan. Alex Smith hit Vernon Davis on a skinny post for the game winning touchdown with a slim 9 seconds left in the game. A squib kick, a gimmicky desperation play by the Saints, and it was a final. The 49ers were headed to the NFC Championship Game, the team's first since 1997.

This team has brought me more sports-fan happiness than any team since the '94 champions. More than the '89 monster team that outscored the competition by 100 points in three playoff games. More than the '88 team that beat Cincy with 34 seconds left in SB XXIII. More than the 18-1 '84 champions. Even more than the '81 team, the first SB championship team, and the team that most reminds me of the '11 group.

No matter what happens Sunday in the Championship game I am thrilled with what has happened this season. But I don't think they're done.

Can this team win the Super Bowl? I wouldn't bet against it.


Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Tizona Post

If you get your news from any American paper that subscribes to the Associated Press feed (such as the Washington Post), you might be thinking right about now that the Team Elephant presidential primaries have resolved into a two-man race: "front runner" Mitt "Presidential Hair" Romney, and Rick "Bomb the shit out of Iran!" Santorum.

Just one problem: it's a complete lie.
Read more at The Tizona Group.


Monday, January 2, 2012

Wiener of the Year - 2011

It's time for the least prestigious unknown award currently presented by the denizens of the old WWW - The Vulture's Wiener of the Year.

I received a number of nominations for WotY for 2011, including three very good ones from April Day. Each and every individual nominated is certainly deserving of derision. The list includes:

California Jim (AKA Jammin, AKA CAJim) - a troll from the execrable FLDS Texas website bigotry cauldron, who once took over this blog's comments for a full week to debate "journalistic integrity" and my lack thereof.

Gregory Prickett (AKA The Prickette, the 2010 WotY - nominated due to his ludicrous lawsuit against various blogger cohorts of mine, a lawsuit meant simply to harass, a lawsuit dismissed by a judge who saw through the pointlessness of the suit.

Former Seattle police officer Ian Birk, about whom I wrote earlier last year, for murdering in cold blood an innocent civilian. Throw in the fact that Seattle PD did NOTHING about it - no charges, no disciplinary action, N-O-T-H-I-N-G, and you have a most Wiener-worthy nominee.

The usual suspects came up as well. Il Duce. Big Media (the BM for short). Congress. The TSSA*. The inaptly named "justice" system. The Occupy movement. Team Elephant.

But this is the year when the Wiener of the Year award achieves absolute synchronicity. The 2011 WotY award winner truly IS a Weiner -- Anthony Weiner.

Weiner, a gawdawful socialist member of Congress since 1999, inadvertently sent a tweet intended for a single individual to his entire "followers" list. Ah, but this wasn't just any old tweet. This was a picture of little Anthony's, well, wiener. After claiming that his Twitter account had been hacked and trying one excuse after another for another several days, Weiner finally resigned from Congress. As I noted at the time, Weiner "pulled out" at a senior center in his District.

What makes Weiner's story even more wiener-worthy is that he is married to a smoking-hot woman who was pregnant when all of this was going on. What. A. Douchebag.

But isn't that what makes a Wiener, after all?

Heretofore, the Wiener of the Year award logo will no longer be the three strutting wieners I've used since 2007. From now on, this will be the WotY logo.
Congratulations to former Representative Anthony Weiner! You are the 2011 Wiener of the Year!

* You can't abbreviate Schutzstaffel without the double 'S'.


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