Thursday, October 1, 2009

Apple! Enough already!

Man, I hate the "Mac vs. PC" commercials. I simply loathed them in silence right up until the one featuring Patrick Warburton aired. (Watch the ad here).

In it, a wholesome looking girl-next-door type is asking the annoying PC and Mac guys whether she should get a Mac or a PC. The PC guy brings on Mr. Warburton, who portrays the "top of the line PC". The young innocent wants a big screen and lots of speed, and a computer "without thousands of viruses and tons of headaches". Replying, he says, "Lady, any PC you get is going to have those problems".

By this point I'm starting to get irritated. He makes it worse. Once she has decided on the Mac (because the clear implication is that Macs DON'T have viruses or headaches), he says, "When you're ready to compromise, call me".

The utter arrogance of those Apple SOBs!!! Let's deconstruct a tad, shall we?

First, the question of why there are so many more viruses on PCs than on Macs. There's a very, very good reason for that: no self-respecting computer programmer, let alone hacker, would install the Mac-OS on their computer. Serious programmers either use Vista (if they're Windows developers like me) or Linux. Oh, and I said MORE viruses on PC than on Mac - news flash: Macs get viruses! If they didn't, why are there so many antivirus products available for the Mac OS? FYI, identifies 24 known viruses for the Mac. Those are just the viruses targeting the operating system; Macs are every bit as susceptible to APPLICATION viruses (such as those contained in ActiveX controls) as PCs!

Mac fanboys make a big deal over Mac's quick boot time. Hey, how 'bout that. They also hype the "culture of good quality software". Again, hey, how 'bout that. How about the Windows culture of abundant software? I don't know about you, but I like knowing that the entire universe of software capabilities is available to me out there. I don't have to settle for table scraps like Mac users.

Serious computer users (and gamers) wouldn't be caught dead with a Mac. This article details five reasons why PCs are better than Macs from the perspective of those people.

  • PCs Are Better For Games
  • PCs Are Better Media Machines
  • PCs Are More Cost-Effective
  • Apple Is Fascist (elaboration follows)
  • It's Still a PC World Out There (ie, 96.5% of all computer users can't be wrong)
Elaborating on the 'Apple is Fascist' tag. The author probably should have worded this differently. Since he didn't, allow me to give that section of his article a new tag: "I hope you like it as-is, because you're NEVER going to be able to mod it".

xfloggingkylex is the ultimate PC guru. He's been building Frankenstein PCs (buy the components separately and assemble a super computer made-to-order) since he was in his mid-teens. The idea of accepting ANY computer (laptops excepted) as unmodifiable is anathema to him! As it should be! If I buy a computer and find out in a year that a new super video card is available that makes everything before it obsolete, I'm not about to run out and buy a new computer! I'm going to buy the card and install it myself (or, better yet, have xfloggingkylex do it; he'll also overclock and tune it while he's at it).

Finally, no one presents the Mac vs. PC argument better than Charlie Brooker does in this article. Read it in it's entirety; it's effin hysterical! Here's an excerpt to whet your appetite.
I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

PCs are the ramshackle computers of the people. You can build your own from scratch, then customise it into oblivion. Sometimes you have to slap it to make it work properly, just like the Tardis (Doctor Who, incidentally, would definitely use a PC). PCs have charm; Macs ooze pretension. When I sit down to use a Mac, the first thing I think is, "I hate Macs", and then I think, "Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament only got one mouse button?" Losing that second mouse button feels like losing a limb. If the ads were really honest, Webb would be standing there with one arm, struggling to open a packet of peanuts while Mitchell effortlessly tore his apart with both hands. But then, if the ads were really honest, Webb would be dressed in unbelievably po-faced avant-garde clothing with a gigantic glowing apple on his back. And instead of conducting a proper conversation, he would be repeatedly congratulating himself for looking so cool, and banging on about how he was going to use his new laptop to write a novel, without ever getting round to doing it, like a mediocre idiot.
"Fisher-Price activity centres for adults". That's funny, I don't care who you are.

To summarize:
  • Mac users are pretentious poseurs.
  • Apple is a smug, arrogant bunch of ex-hippies selling one-size-fits-all crap to said pretentious poseurs.
  • PCs are made to do actual work
  • The reason Windows is targeted for viruses more than Mac is because hackers won't waste their time on insignificant toys
  • Macs are nearly impossible to mod; PCs are easily modifiable.
  • PC users have the entire universe of software available to them; Mac users are happy with table scraps.
There you go. PC > Mac. Quod erat demonstrandum.