The surest sign of old age

When I got home from work last night, there was a letter waiting for me. It was from AARP. Okay. I'm getting close to 50, so some form of contact from AARP was to be expected. What wasn't expected was what was in the envelope -- a temporary AARP membership card. GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

It's the surest sign that you're in the shadow of the Grim Reaper -- the AARP card. Before you know it, I'll be eating the Early Bird Special, wearing my pants hiked up to my nipples, telling "good old days" stories, and moving to Florida. Oh yeah, and driving like an asshat. Don't forget the "old man driving". Oy!

You know my kids got a huge kick out of the AARP card. They already treat me like I'm 100 - now they have documented proof that I'm ancient.

The funny part is -- I feel so YOUNG. I'm 49 going on 14. If it wasn't for the arthritis in my neck and elbow, I'd swear I was no older than 35. Okay, that and the crow's feet and frown lines and achy knees and....