Dripping with irony

Senator John Kerry Lurch made an appearance this past weekend. The reception he got was the sweetest type of schadenfreude imaginable, and for all of the right reasons.

A loud and angry crowd in Northampton confronted Sen. John Kerry over his support for the war in Afghanistan, the government’s response to the recession and other issues.

Anti-war protesters interrupted Kerry numerous times Saturday as he met with constituents.

OMG, is that the best or what? Mr. Vietnam Veterans against the war. Mr. Winter Soldiers investigation. And he gets heckled for what? Supporting an unpopular war!!!

It just doesn't get any better than this. Seriously.

Lurch attempts humor; hilarity ensues

Everyone knows someone who just doesn't have a sense of humor. That's not to say that they don't laugh at jokes, or participate in banter. It's that they are genetically incapable of saying anything funny. Ever. Their every attempt at humor is clumsy, fumbling, and ends with either a thud or in offending someone.

John "Lurch" Kerry is one such individual. Every attempt at humor he has made in his entire life has landed with a thud. This one was no different.

Sen. John Kerry added to his long list of lame joke attempts yesterday when he wished South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's disappearance on Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

Speaking to some business and civic leaders he had invited to Washington, Kerry quipped: "Too bad if a governor had to go missing it couldn’t have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin."

Ponderous. F-ing ponderous.

To her credit, Sarah Palin was much funnier in response.

Today, while speaking to Alaska National Guard troops in Kosovo, Palin joked that she actually felt bad for Kerry as she watched his attempt at humor.

"Then Senator John Kerry makes this joke � I don't know if you saw this, but he makes this joke saying, 'Aw shoot, of all the governors in the nation who disappeared, too bad it couldn't have been that governor from Alaska . . .'"

"But the way he said it, he looked quite frustrated and he looked so sad. I just wanted to reach out to the TV and say, 'John Kerry, why the long face?'"

Ha! Long face! Now, THAT'S funny.

Someone needs to take Lurch aside and gently tell him that he's about as funny as cancer, and he needs to stop trying to make jokes. Because, with his every attempt, he shows what a joke he himself is.

Death Knell: Part I - Follow the Money

Global Swarming -- The clustering of GangGreed around a money/power hive.
from The Urban Dictionary.

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Finally, after 4 months of promises and teasing, I'm starting my serious of posts on Global Warming, entitled "Death Knell". This first installment, "Follow the Money", intends to show who benefits on both the "pro" and the "con" side of the equation from their side coming out ahead in this debate.

We've been hearing for years how 'the science is settled', 'there is a scientific consensus', or 'people who reject global warming are like people who believe in a flat Earth or who deny the Holocaust'. Then there's my favorite: 'the only scientists denying global warming are those working for Big Energy'. Never mind that ALL of the scientists working for alternate energy companies, for the government, or on projects that are government-funded are part of the 'consensus'.

Never mind? Let me take that back. It DOES matter that the 'consensus' emanates from those sources. Why? Like they say in all of the detective shows: follow the money.

There once was a time when the only contrarian data on global warming DID come from those with much to lose from proposed efforts at curbing warming. Not anymore.

Nor is the public as easily duped now: over 40% believe that AGW is mostly hype.

Here is a breakdown of who has a dog in the fight, both Pro Warming as well as those of us who are "skeptics".

PRO:
Presidents:
George W. Bush
Barack Obama

Politicians:
Nancy Pelosi, who stands to profit handsomely from investments in "green" technology
Harry Reid
John McCommie
John Kerry
Team Donkey
Team Elephant Elite
Carol Browner, Nominated as Obama's Climate Czar

Governmental organizations:
The UN, who views warming as a vehicle for the formation of a new World economy
The World Health Organization
The European Union
NASA (Read this carefully - there are a number of outright lies in this "factbook")
National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), an organization that would have zero importance were AGW to disappear as a "threat".

Scientists:
Dr. James Hansen of NASA, who believes that warming should be used as a tool for wealth distribution (and who contradicts his pro-warming stance here)

Monetary beneficiaries of AGW hype:
Big Media - via propaganda (see here and here)
Multinational corporations
Al Gorebells, who has made millions from his fraud and stands to make millions more via cap-and-trade
Richard Branson, who stands to make billions from his "green" technologies
T. Boone Pickens, who stands to make billions from his "green" "solutions"
General Electric/NBC Universal, who stand to make billions from selling "green" technologies
British Banks, who seek to jump on the warming gravy train

In the interest of fairness, here is a list of those who will benefit if AGW is not addressed.

CON:
Pro-Business Groups (and other monetary beneficiaries):
Richard Mellon Scaife
Heartland Institute
The Science & Environmental Policy Project
The Cato Institute
World Climate Report
ExxonMobil
Competitive Enterprise Institute

Politicians:
Senator James Inhofe
Vaclav Klaus, President of the Czech Republic
Sammy Wilson, Environmental Minister, UK
Andrei Illarionov, Chief Economic Adviser to the President of the Russian Federation

Scientists/Meteorologists:
Joseph D'Aleo, meteorologist/Fellow of the American Meteorological Society (AMS)
Fred Singer, Scientist/Professor
John Coleman, founder of The Weather Channel
JunkScience.com
ICECAP (International Climate and Environmental Change Assessment Project)
International Geological Conference
Doctors for Disaster Preparedness
International Climate Science Coalition
The International Climate Science Center

Media:
John Stossel
Andrew Bolt (Herald Sun/Melbourne)

So I leave it to you, the reader, to discern which of these groups has the most to lose or gain based on the public's belief in AGW. You know which side I'm on; I have been an AGW denier since Kyoto, when this "emergency" was deemed to require the West to resort to draconian measures to "save the Earth" while completely exempting the Third World from action. A true "emergency" would require action by the entire globe. Am I right, or am I right?

This guy could have been our President!

That Frankenstein-looking moron John Kerry is still trying to attain relevance. It's a pity.

Kerry had this to say during hearings on the escalating violence on the Mexico-US border.

At Monday's hearing, committee Chairman Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., said he had been shocked to see killings and beheadings "just a stone's throw across the Rio Grande from where we're sitting this morning."

Across the border, thousands of Mexican soldiers patrol Ciudad Juarez, which saw about 2,000 murders in 14 months.

Kerry called for a ban on the imports of assault rifles, such as the AK-47, into the United States. (emphasis mine)

Let me break this down for you.

1. The violence is occurring between rival drug cartels in Mexico.
2. The AK-47 is illegal in Mexico
   
3. The AK-47 is manufactured primarily in China and Russia.
4. The primary smugglers of AK-47's into Mexico are the Chinese.
   
5. What violence has spilled over the border has originated from Mexico.
6. Full-auto AK-47s are already illegal in the US.

So...given these facts, what do YOU think of Senator Lurch's proposal?

The fact is that "make guns illegal" is the default liberal answer to every crime question. The asshats at the SF Chronicle try in vain to support the Senator's claim by citing testimony of an official from the BATF (a patently unconstitutional agency largely responsible for putting the match to the Waco powder keg back in '93). William McMahon is quoted as saying, "Assault rifles bought in the United States are favorites among cartel gunmen, who find them effective for the urban warfare." Yet the best "evidence" to support this that the Chronic could roust to support their claim was the seizure of 60 weapons used in an April 2008 shootout that were traced back to the US. I don't want to burst your bubble, Chronic, but there are certainly a lot more than 60 guns in use by the various cartels.

The fact that the weapons utilized by the drug cartels are (a) already illegal in Mexico, (b) most likely from China, (c) already illegal in the US in full-auto mode (which, one would assume, is the preferred mode of the cartel "warriors"), and (d) illegally smuggled into Mexico, not legally imported (a not-too-subtle distinction lost on the dim-witted Senator), should be cause to make a thinking man reconsider requesting a total ban on a reliable weapon that "looks menacing".

It's a pity he's not a thinking man.

And to think he could have been our President! *shudder*

If [insert candidate name] is elected...

I've become immune to it, but apparently it still works. "What?", you ask. Scare mongering, of course! I've never in my life seen anything like this. Oh wait, yes I have...just 4 short years ago! Remember how, if John "Frankenstein" Kerry were elected president, the radical Islamists would celebrate in the streets and we'd all be individually attacked by terrorists? Only King George the Dim could save us!

This go-around has had more than its share of fear mongering. Some of it is downright comical. I'll start with the anti-McCommie scare tactics (age before beauty, you know).

If McCain is elected...

• It'll prove that this is a racist nation!
• He'll invade Iran & Syria!
• He'll tax your health care!
• Corporations will:
• Use his election as an excuse to cut commissions and overtime!
• Stop providing health care!
• Downsize to take advantage of tax breaks!
• Deaths from terrorist attacks will skyrocket under McCain!
• Women will be forced into lesser lives!
• The US will become a 3rd-world nation!
• He'll start a new Cold War with Russia!
• It'll be economic suicide because he thinks the economy is sound!
• African Americans will riot!
• There'll be a full-fledged race and class war!
• We'll become a deflated and depressed country!
• Crime will soar!
• Homelessness will increase!
• The country will succumb to hopelessness!
• He'll die in office and Sarah Palin will prove just how unprepared she really is!
  
• He'll cut social welfare but increase corporate welfare!
• He'll return the southwest US to Mexico!
• He'll ruin the Supreme Court for generations with ultra right-wing appointees!
• He'll revoke Roe v. Wade!!!
• He'll re-institute slavery!

That last one is my personal favorite. Thanks, Whoopee, for trying to lend credence to the stupidest scare tactic yet!

Now for the other side. I actually left out a bunch of stuff I heard on the radio because I just couldn't recall the exact verbiage. There's some lulus in here.

If Obama is elected...

• He'll destroy the Constitution!
• The stock market will crash!
• There'll be an international crisis! His own VP nominee says so!
• God will smite America!
• I'll have to quit my job because it'll be more beneficial to mooch off the government than to work!
• The KKK will have a resurgence and will attack minority schools!
• Taxes will go up and:
• The rich won't have any incentive to make more money!
• The rich will hide their money in offshore accounts, causing a depression!
• There'll be layoffs and an unemployment nightmare!
• People won't donate to charities any more!
• Israel will attack Iran!
• The cost of goods and services will rise!
• We'll have an energy crisis of Biblical proportions!
• The productive will pull a "John Galt" and everything will go to shit!
• There will be a civil war!
• There'll be a Muslim takeover and we'll all end up as Dhimmi!
• He'll abolish the Boy Scouts!
• You'll lose your 401(k)!
• Affirmative action will be emphasized and there'll be quotas and fines for non-compliance!
• Terrorists will attack us at will!
• He'll ruin the Supreme Court for generations with ultra left-wing appointees!
• He'll shut down talk radio and Fox News using the Fairness Doctrine!
• He'll confiscate everyone's guns!
• He'll surrender in Iraq!
  
• He'll give us "Hillary Health" and we'll be forced to use government-provided health care.
  
• His cabinet and advisers will be:
• People like Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright!
• Black people exclusively!
• A dead-ringer for the old Soviet Politburo!
• He's a Marxist! A Communist! He'll:
• Redistribute the wealth!
• Confiscate our property!
• Be like Stalin and kill millions of his own people!

The "Stalin" one really made me chuckle. Now THAT'S some quality fear mongering!

Face it, people. We're screwed if McCommie gets elected. We're screwed if Obama the Savior of all mankind gets elected. The government is bankrupt, both fiscally and morally. All we can do now is wait for the inevitable implosion and hope that somewhere there are Washingtons, Jeffersons, Adamses, George Masons, and others who can rebuild this nation to it's original model.

Enjoy the election. I'm sure it'll be high drama.

Just as predicted

Former presidential candidate John "Lurch" Kerry stepped forward as the first asshat in line to prove the contention of New York Times science writer John Tierney (as highlighted by the Vulture in my post on January 6th) that Global Warming True Believers would use any and all inclement weather occurring for the foreseeable future as "proof" that Global Warming is "real". Here is a sampling of what Mr. Tierney had to say:

Today’s interpreters of the weather are what social scientists call availability entrepreneurs: the activists, journalists and publicity-savvy scientists who selectively monitor the globe looking for newsworthy evidence of a new form of sinfulness, burning fossil fuels.
...

“In the last few months,” Mr. Gore said, “it has been harder and harder to misinterpret the signs that our world is spinning out of kilter.” But he was being too modest. Thanks to availability entrepreneurs like him, misinterpreting the weather is getting easier and easier.

Here's what Mr. Botox had to say, speaking on MSNBC on February 6th:

[I] don’t want to sort of leap into the larger meaning of, you know, inappropriately, but on the other hand, the weather service has told us we are going to have more and more intense storms,” Kerry said. “And insurance companies are beginning to look at this issue and understand this is related to the intensity of storms that is related to the warming of the earth. And so it goes to global warming and larger issues that we’re not paying attention to. The fact is the hurricanes are more intensive, the storms are more intensive and the rainfall is more intense at certain places at certain times and the weather patterns have changed.

Ah, yes! It's inarticulate, it's circular reasoning, and it's the expression of belief in the One True Faith - Global Warming. Who better to prove Mr. Tierney (and the Vulture) correct than Senator Frankenstein? The next original thought John Kommie has will be his first.