Showing posts with label amusing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label amusing. Show all posts

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The perils of an extensive vocabulary


Ah, first-world pains. I used a word that means exactly what I meant to convey, but, because it so closely resembles another word -- a not-very-nice word -- it was, shall we say, cause for unintended offense.

Our story begins...

I accepted a position with a new company back in October, with the intent of starting that new job on October 24th. I started that job yesterday. Yeah, I know - yesterday wasn't October 24th. What pushed back my start date was a call from the old employer telling me that if I wasn't actively employed by the company on November 15th, I would forfeit my utilization bonus for Q3. Since we're talking about a pretty sizable chunk of change, I wasn't happy.

Fortunately, both the hiring company and the new customer were understanding and agreed to push my start date back to November 16th.

In the interim, my supervisor from the old company wanted me to talk to him about what had made me decide to leave the company after 14 years. I sent him an email detailing the things that had left me dissatisfied. On the subject of the "stay until 11/15 or lose your bonus" matter, I wrote:
I was informed that my earned Q3 bonus would be forfeited if I weren’t on the payroll 6 weeks after having earned it. That is seriously the most niggardly policy I’ve ever seen.
I used the word "niggardly" because it conveyed exactly what I thought of their policy.
niggardly - adjective
1. reluctant to give or spend; stingy; miserly.
2. meanly or ungenerously small or scanty: a niggardly tip to a waiter.
I sent it off to my supervisor and cc'd my HR rep.

On Tuesday I had my exit interviews with the old company. As I was wrapping up the interviews, I ran into the Director of Professional Services, a man I've known for several years. For the purposes of this tale, I'll refer to him as "Bob". To further assist you in understanding how this conversation started and where it went, I will further note that "Bob" is a black man.

"Bob" said to me that he appreciated the candor of my "why I left" email...but he was troubled by my choice of wording. Puzzled was I. What exactly had troubled him? He pulled up the email and read back the offending passage.

Niggardly. Yeah.

I explained to him what I meant by it, but he still seemed puzzled/concerned. I finally got through to him when I described it as "mean-stingy - like Ebeneezer Scrooge". It was as if a light bulb turned on over his head. He finally grocked that "niggardly" had nothing to do with "nigger".

At that point his whole demeanor changed. He wished me the best of luck and expressed his wishes for me to one day return to the company, etc, etc.

Words have meaning. But sometimes a word that sounds too much like another word can really bust your balls. Fortunately for me, "Bob" went to me directly and asked me about it man-to-man. But what if "Bob" wasn't a measured, intelligent man? It could have gotten sticky, I suppose (although one has to wonder, what was he going to do, fire me?).

Would I use that word again to describe a similar affront? Possibly. But it's a dangerous world these days. Check this out to see how use of the word "niggardly" can be hazardous to your well-being.

The moral of the story is: just because you know what a word means doesn't give you license to drop it like a grenade in the midst of people who don't know what it means.

Unless, like me, you enjoy that sort of thing.

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Thursday, April 7, 2011

The looming government shutdown - what to fear

I'm sure that most people who read my blog are rooting for the government to shut down, preferably for a long, long time. But there is a very real risk to a government shutdown, one that scares the living crap out of me.

From The Smoking Gun.
With a possible shutdown of the U.S. government looming, it is helpful to remember what happened the last time federal workers received a forced furlough.

According to an FBI interview report:

• Unable to begin a new paying job, a 22-year-old female intern continued to work at the White House.

• Said intern’s “personal relationship” with President Bill Clinton began on November 15, 1995, the day after the government shutdown began.

• On that Wednesday evening, the intern, seizing the moment, told Clinton she “had a crush on him.” The 42nd President responded by accompanying the intern to a back study behind the Oval Office, where he kissed her.

• “Unclothed genital contact” would later occur, along with “kissing, hugging, touching, and oral sex on the person of the President, but not intercourse.”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Friday, January 7, 2011

Two-bit terrorism in the PRM

Terrorism has hit in the Great State People's Republic of Maryland!  Call the National Guard!  Call DHSS*!  Call Janet Napolitano!

Terrorism in the PRM?  Uh, yeah....about that...
State and federal officials are investigating small incendiary devices that "flared up" at the Maryland Department of Transportation's headquarters in Hanover and a state government building in Annapolis on Thursday.
What do you mean "small incendiary devices"?  Who's behind it?  What kind of damage did the devices cause?  The answers:
A disgruntled "lone wolf" is believed to be behind incendiary devices sent to Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley and Transportation Secretary Beverley Swaim-Staley, investigators believe.

The two devices burned the fingers of two employees when they were opened in Annapolis and Hanover 15 minutes apart Thursday.
[...]
When the worker opened the package that had five holiday postage stamps on it, it produced a "puff of smoke and a sulphur-type smell, like if you would strike a match."
That's it?  A stink bomb that resulted in some burned fingers?  C'mon, are you kidding me?  I've had camping trips that resulted in more carnage than that!

Yes, one of the packages was address to Governor Martin O' Owe-Malley...hey, how 'bout that [/sarcasm].  Old Marty was unharmed by the "attack".  He can go on taxing and spending with impunity.

Of course, you just KNOW that law enforcement and the DHSS are going to WAAAAAAY overreact to this little prank.  Are we going to be subjected to TSSA* groping when we go to the post office?

Kinda adds new meaning to the phrase, "Let me inspect that package, sir!"

* You can't abbreviate Schutzstaffel without the double 'S'

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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The reality of campus police work

I know that I have been very hard on Sgt. Gregory Prickett (hereinafter referred to as The Prickette).  I poked fun at him for pretending to be a legal expert when he is not even a lawyer.  I also poked fun at him for working in a law enforcement capacity I deemed as roughly the equivalent of a mall cop.  I have since seen the error of my ways.

It turns out that campus police have real, uh, police responsibilities.  Not only that, but they have state-of-the-art police equipment at their disposal!

Take, for example, the campus police squad car.


This is one fine piece of machinery here!  Campus criminals have no doubt when they see this vehicle that they're in the presence of an elite police officer.

But it's not just the squad cars that are state-of-the-art awesome.  Check out the unmarked vehicles they utilize.


Criminals seeking to commit crime in the campus environment will never know what hit them when one of these beauties comes screaming up behind them.

I saved the best for last.  This is the latest in high-tech SWAT support vehicles available to campus police.

You get the idea.

Greggie, you shouldn't be so sensitive when people call you a mall cop.  A mall cop wouldn't be caught dead in one of those things.

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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Law (?) and Order (?!?!?!?) - Caput Penitus Culus Edition

I have to admit that when it comes to the legal system I'm a fish out of water.  The terminology.  The prosaic phraseology.  The BS preambles with their legal buzzwords ("hereinafter referred to as The Plaintiff", "party of the first part", etc.).  The BS Latin and Latinate words and phrases ("pro se", "ad litem", "dominum dictum", "ex nihilo", etc.).  Truth is, it's a foreign world to me.

But there are certain legal concepts I understand completely.  'Hot check' is one of them.  And 'hot check' is the latest development in the sorry case of Mall Cop a Palos v. Bloggers.
When all the legal challenges to bloggers over one being classified as a “Rent-A-Cop” came out, the first place checked was the court records.

Still there today, as you can see in the image below, were the records indicating that an employee of the University of North Texas, a Gregory J. PRICKett, had evidently obtained the services of Natalie Malonis to file and PAY the fees necessary to get the process started.
Go on.
Now that you’ve seen the financial records which started the ball rolling, along with a couple more payments made by Gregory J. PRICKett to keep it headed just where he hopes it will help him the most, let’s move on to the latest under the “Events & Orders of the Court” in those records from the District Civil Court in Texass.
Ooh! Tell me more!
10/27/2010 HOT CHECK
Natalie Malonis, Attorney At Law – Refer to Acct Dept x7260
Oh how the mighty have fallen!  Attorney Natalie Malonis, once a featured "expert" on the Nancy Grace Show, has now been reduced to passing bad checks on behalf of her partner in calumny, Sgt. Gregory Prickett, pictured at top, hereinafter referred to as The Prickette, a known hostis humani generis (you like that, pretend lawyer asshole?).

I don't need to remind you of the enmity I (and frankly, all people possessed of human decency) have toward the foul pretend lawyer behind Coram Non Judice, ah, excuse me, Caput Penitus Culus.  That he and his particeps criminis, Ms. Malonis, have been exposed and put in a position where they are on the defensive is extraordinarily gratifying.  That Ms. Malonis is reduced to passing bad checks in the shadow of accusations that she "misappropriated" child support payments intended for a client is absolutely....priceless.

By their fruits ye shall know them.  I smell rotten apples.  And Noxzema.  And mall cop.

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Friday, October 29, 2010

The 'Liberal Gene'

So much of what passes for 'science' these days is total crap.  Total.  Crap.  This study is no different.
Researchers have determined that genetics could matter when it comes to some adults' political leanings.

According to scientists at UC San Diego and Harvard University, "ideology is affected not just by social factors, but also by a dopamine receptor gene called DRD4." That and how many friends you had during high school.
"That and how many friends you had during high school." This is what passes for science in 21st century America.

While I focused in on the quack science of the study, the commenters had a field day with the idea of a "liberal gene". Here is a sampling of the comments.
So, we now have scientific proof that liberalism is a birth defect?

I knew it! I knew they were born F'd up!

That explains their total lack of logical thinking, they can't help themselves. Probably explains why they're so needy too.
And my favorite:
Does this discovery bring us closer to a cure?

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Weapons-grade peppers

I love hot, spicy foods.  Love them.  Of course, I've pulled back quite a bit as I've gotten older and wiser; that unfortunate incident with Dave's Insanity Sauce has made me think twice about anything much beyond jalapeno peppers these days.

There has always been a market in weaponized peppers - pepper spray being the most commonly employed method.  But now there's a new player on the scene.  The pepper race escalates.
The Indian military has a new weapon against terrorism: the world's hottest chili.

After conducting tests, the military has decided to use the thumb-sized "bhut jolokia," or "ghost chili," to make tear gas-like hand grenades to immobilize suspects, defense officials said Tuesday.

The bhut jolokia was accepted by Guinness World Records in 2007 as the world's spiciest chili. It is grown and eaten in India's northeast for its taste, as a cure for stomach troubles and a way to fight the crippling summer heat.

It has more than 1,000,000 Scoville units, the scientific measurement of a chili's spiciness. Classic Tabasco sauce ranges from 2,500 to 5,000 Scoville units, while jalapeno peppers measure anywhere from 2,500 to 8,000.
One million Scovilles. Now THAT is a powerful pepper!

Here's my question.  People eat those things? I enjoy a jalapeno pepper every once in a while.  But something 125,000 to 200,000 times more hot?  That's nuts!

I think I'm more afraid of the dudes eating that stuff than I am of the weaponized peppers!

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Thursday, February 4, 2010

A job opening for TxBluesMan?

Tip of the hat to Tizona Group's "token American", Angus Dei, for this beauty.

The Civil Rights Division encourages qualified applicants with targeted disabilities to apply. Targeted disabilities are deafness, blindness, missing extremities, partial or complete paralysis, convulsive disorder, mental retardation, mental illness, severe distortion of limbs and/or spine…

The Department of Justice welcomes and encourages applications from persons with physical and mental disabilities.
What's that? The DoJ is looking for retard lawyers? I have just the guy for the job. What's that? He's OVERQUALIFIED? Can't say I'm surprised...

BTW, Tizona -- if you're looking for another American to add to your stable, I'd be honored.

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Vulture Droppings - who is Ellie Light?

Vulture Droppings is a semi-regular feature of this blog. It's a kind of "Random Thoughts" post in which I try to quickly summarize a particularly large event or series of events. Think of it being sort of like what a vulture leaves behind after devouring a horse. You don't get the whole horse, just highly processed leftovers.


There's a viral story churning around the interwebs right now regarding a prolific letter writing grandmother by the name of Ellie Light. At least, "prolific letter writing grandmother" is the cover story for Ellie Light, an obvious pseudonym, since "Ellie" translates as "Light", and E. Lite looks a lot like "elite".

This edition of Vulture Droppings looks at the issue from three angles. First, the identity of Ellie Light - who is she/he, or is it an operative from the government or some group? Second, who is behind Ellie Light? And finally, why is this vacuous bimbo getting so much media play out of her insipid little letter when most people are lucky to get ONE letter to the editor published EVER.

First, kudos to Sabrina Eaton of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, who brought this story to light.
Ellie Light sure gets around.

In recent weeks, Light has published virtually identical “Letters to the Editor” in support of President Barack Obama in more than a dozen newspapers.Every letter claimed a different residence for Light that happened to be in the newspaper’s circulation area.

“It’s time for Americans to realize that governing is hard work, and that a president can’t just wave a magic wand and fix everything,” said a letter from alleged Philadelphian Ellie Light, that was published in the Jan. 19 edition of The Philadelphia Daily News.

A letter from Light in the Jan. 20 edition of the San Francisco Examiner concluded with an identical sentence, but with an address for Light all the way across the country in Daly City, California.

Variations of Light’s letter ran in Ohio’s Mansfield News Journal on Jan. 13, with Light claiming an address in Mansfield; in New Mexico’s Ruidoso News on Jan. 12, claiming an address in Three Rivers; in South Carolina’s The Sun News on Jan. 18, claiming an address in Myrtle Beach; and in the Daily News Leader of Staunton, Virginia on Jan. 15, claiming an address in Waynesboro. Her publications list includes other papers in Ohio, West Virginia, Maine, Michigan, Iowa, Pennsylvania and California, all claiming separate addresses.
Altogether, Ms. Light had letters published in 62 publications in 29 states and DC, 4 national publications (including USA Today), and 2 foreign publications (hat tip to Patterico's Pontifications, where you can find the complete list of publications). Note that this is as of 7 PM Sunday night; the final tabulation will certainly be higher.

It begs the question: who is this Ellie Light? A real person? A leftard with a lot of time on her/his hands? Or is she/he something more sinister - a government hireling? An ACORN operative? A DNC mouthpiece?

If you read the comments on Ms. Eaton's story, you see all kinds of speculation and postulates. The most common allegation is that Ellie Light is Ellyn Sunstein, the daughter of Cass Sunstein, the Obama administration's Regulatory czar who is a proponent of government infiltration of chat rooms and blog comments by paid flacks to undermine conspiracy theories (more here). Others suggest it is Mr. Sunstein's wife, the former Samantha Power. Power fits the model of Ellie Light in that Light seems to favor the British spelling of words rather than the American spelling (Power is Irish).

Others speculate that Ellie Light is an ACORN operative who is paid each time one of her/his letters is published. It does fit the ACORN model, and would explain why she/he doesn't bother to use a different name along with the different city of origin each publication is provided; after all, she/he can't get paid if they can't verify that she/he was the author.

A few wags have speculated that Ellie Light is just Il Duce himself trying to gin up some support for himself. Or Michelle Obama. Or Rahm Emmanuel. This site has a particularly amusing collection of theories.

Attempts have been made to use the originating IP address of the email to trace the source of Light's emails. One intrepid blogger traced an "Ellie Light" comment to an ISP in Saudi Arabia, although spoofing software could have masked the real source. The Free Republic fingers Obama's own Organizing for America website and its paint-by-the-numbers form letter generation software. Yet another blogger links Ellie Light to an international public relations firm.

It matters who Ellie Light is. It matters because if Ellie Light is someone on the government payroll, or even a DNC or ACORN operative, it further damages the already damaged credibility of Il Duce.

One has to wonder: given the likelihood of a letter to the editor being published once, let alone in 72 publications - one THREE TIMES IN A WEEK - one has to ask oneself, what's up here? This stinks to high heaven. And it begs a question that has to be stated as two questions.

Who is behind Ellie Light, that she gets this kind of response?
What is it about Ellie Light that causes editorial page editors to look upon her letter with such favor?

This two-part question matters. It matters a whole hell of a lot.

If Ellie Light's prolific acceptance by 69 publications is a matter of someone powerful behind Ellie Light, then it's obviously someone with a whole lotta juice. Juice this strong points to interests that are, at minimum, engaging in disinformation; at worst, they may be breaking the law.

But if Ellie Light's prolific acceptance isn't due to someone with juice behind her...well, what does THAT mean? It means that liberal editorial page editors are swallowing whole a campaign to improve the public perception of Il Duce, and are doing so in a concerted effort to prop up his sagging popularity.

Need I elaborate on how malignant either of those scenarios is in terms of our trust in public institutions?

It gets more interesting. Now there's evidence of letters to the editor published in various papers across the country that have identical content but different "authors".

I'll be the first to admit that this may just be a tempest in a teapot. But it just might be something very, very big. I commend Ms. Eaton and The Plain Dealer for printing the story. I commend the Drudge Report for bringing it national awareness. And I hope with total sincerity that this isn't one of those stories that just goes away with the questions left unanswered.

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Saturday, January 23, 2010

State mottos

Some time ago I introduced you to the Maryland state motto: "If you can imagine it, we can tax it". But now I have learned that I was off by one word. The CORRECT Maryland state motto is: "If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It". How do I know this? I know this because Theo Spark has published the official list of state mottos.

Check it out when you have a minute to waste. Some of my favorites (and some included just because I used to live there) are:

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don’t Own It Yet
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes. Well Okay, Not Really, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family – Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wisconsin: Come Smell our Dairy Air
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men (And The Sheep Are Scared)
Enjoy.

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