Super *yawn* Bowl Prediction

"Did I read that right? Did the Vulture REALLY *yawn* the Super Bowl?"

Seriously, this rematch of what was perhaps the single most yawn-inducing bore fest in Super Bowl history holds very little interest in the Vulture household. Only the allure of eating massive quantities of junk food and watching the only decent commercials shown on TV make this Sunday anything approaching super.

This is less of a prediction than a rooting preference. The Patriots have just GOT to win.

I'll have to get a post-frontal lobotomy if the Giants win. It'll be impossible to listen to sports radio if the Giants win, based on the amount of journalistic fellatio administered by radio "professionals" on the Giants in anticipation of this game.

What is it with Big Media (the BM for short) and New York teams? With the exception of the Lakers, no LA team gets stroked the way New York teams do. Outside of the Cubs, Chicago teams get no love like New York teams get. Only the Red Sox get the BM as lathered up as ANY New York team does.

I can't stand it. Patriots, please, please win. Save us from this hell.

Heart, broken

It was going to be a game that came down to turnovers. That was supposed to favor the 49ers, who finished the season an astounding +28 on turnovers. Of course, that was before Ted Ginn was declared unable to play because of a bum knee. It was yesterday that we all learned just how valuable Ted Ginn really is to the 49ers.

He was replaced by Kyle Williams. Kyle MF'ing Williams.

It seemed as if old Kyle thought he was playing in some meaningless pickup game instead of for a chance to play in the Super Bowl. He carelessly bobbled a pitch early in the game, fortunate to fall on his own fumble. He dove (DOVE!!!!!) to catch one punt, coming up with it, but risking a costly turnover with really nothing to gain from it.

And then he got down to seriously screwing the pooch.

A poor punt by the Giants resulted in a ground ball bouncing along the sideline. Even a fan like me knows what the punt returner is supposed to do in that situation - yell out the signal for blockers to get as far away from the ball as possible and then do likewise.

Oh, but not Kyle MF'ing Williams. No, he ran alongside the bouncing ball like a retarded dog chasing a stick. The ball grazed his knee and was recovered by the Giants. It's bad enough that the asshat broke a cardinal rule of punt returns by placing himself in the path of an erratically bouncing football. It's what he did after the ball grazed him that made this heartsick Vulture lose his marbles. He made no effort to chase down the ball. Rather, he play acted that the ball hadn't touched him, and acted all aggrieved when the referee confirmed the call on the field, that the ball had touched him and was Giants' ball.

A handful of plays later, a Giants touchdown gave them the lead.

The Niners moved down the field and tied the game at 17, where it remained at the end of the 4th quarter.

Overtime.

Overtime looked just like the final minutes of the 4th quarter. The 49ers couldn't mount any offense. The Giants were being dominated by the 49ers defense.

Enter Kyle MF'ing Williams.

The Giants punted after yet another 3-and-out. Williams fielded the punt cleanly, took a few steps while holding the ball like a loaf of bread, and was promptly stripped of the ball.

The Giants were in field goal position at that point, but they ran a few plays to set up a closer field goal, which they made to win the game 20-17.

So here's the breakdown. The 49ers defense allowed 10 points in the first half, but didn't allow a drive of over 30 yards or allow the Giants to cross midfield from the 3rd quarter through overtime.

The Giants only two scoring chances in the second half and overtime were gifts courtesy of Kyle MF'ing Williams. Those two scoring chances resulted in 10 points, and victory for Big Blue.

The final score of that game should have been 17-10 or perhaps even 14-10. The Giants rightly should have been shut out in the second half. The 49ers should be the team headed to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl.

But that isn't how it turned out. Thanks almost entirely to Kyle MF'ing Williams, it's the Giants, not the 49ers, who will represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

Thanks a buttload, Kyle. You single-handedly destroyed your team's dream season.

Vulture's amazing Thanksgiving adventure

Anyone who has read this blog for more than a minute knows that the Vulture loves him some 49ers. The 49ers have been my team since I was 12...not to put too fine a point on it, but that's a LOOOOOOOONG time ago.

The past few years have been cruel ones for 49ers fans. Okay, make that the past 8 years. But this year is different. This year the Niners are good. REALLY, REALLY good.

I was looking forward to watching the 49ers-Ravens game on Thanksgiving because (a) the Ravens are a dominant team, (b) good teams get better by facing other good teams, (c) there are TONS of Ravens fans in Frederick, what with it being equidistant from Baltimore and Washington. You know, bragging rights and all that.

So imagine my shock, bordering on catatonia, when my brother-in-law, a Ravens season ticket holder since the team came to B'more in 1996, surprised me with an invite to go to the game with him while we were at his home for Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone in the family knew he was going to surprise me with the ticket, meaning that (a) they're very, very good at keeping secrets, and (b) I can't trust a one of them. [/kidding]

You have to understand how huge this was for me. I hadn't seen the 49ers play in a regular season game in-stadium since the early 70's. During the team's glory years, when I still lived in Sacramento and could have, in theory, gone to the 'Stick and seen the team, a combination of (a) every game was a sellout, and (b) I was poor, conspired to make that impossible. Needless to say, I was CISED to see my boys in person in a year when the team is actually really, really good again.

It's hard to describe the atmosphere. Unless you've been to a game at M&T Bank Stadium, you can't imagine the electricity of that place. Ravens fans are as rabid as any in the NFL, and they're rabid without being assholes like the fans in Philly.

The 49ers lost the game, 16-6, but it was tied 6-6 at the start of the 4th quarter. Two factors contributed to the loss. The short week left little time to prepare to face one of the premier defenses in the NFL. And an injury to starting guard Adam Snyder meant that human turd Chilo Rachal had to play. Rachal's penalty for chop block (technically assessed against Frank Gore, but Gore engaged first before turd-boy fell on the Raven player) negated a 79-yard touchdown pass from Alex Smith to Ted Ginn. And Haloti Ngata played turd-boy like a fiddle. The offensive line was overwhelmed -- especially once the Ravens took their final lead -- and surrendered 9 sacks.

It was so great to see my boys in person, even in defeat. We went toe-to-toe with one of the NFL's best teams on one of the craziest home fields in the NFL on a short week. And I got to see for myself, in person, just how good that 49ers defense is.

To see pictures of my excellent adventure, hit this link. Note: the picture at the top of this post is a screen capture from the NFL network telecast of the game. That's right, the Vulture was on the telly, scowling as one would expect from a Vulture.

Annual NFL Predictions

It's that time again, kiddies! Time for the Vulture's Guaranteed-to-be-wrong picks for the the NFL Season. Last year I picked the Saints to repeat as league champions, with the Ravens as runner-up. Wrong! The Saints wheezed out in the Wild Card round, and the Ravens were defeated by eventual AFC champion Pittsburgh in the Divisional round.

I didn't do so great in my general playoff predictions, either. I predicted that the 49ers would win the West at 10-6; they under-achieved to a 3rd place, 6-10 finish.

Overall, I predicted one division winner (Colts - like THAT was hard) and one Wild Card (Philadelphia). I can take half credit for picking New England as Wild Card and New York as Division winner, since both made the playoffs, just in opposite order. Okay, maybe not.

Even with that complete display of ineptitude, I still feel a need to make predictions. I guess it's just part of The Season.

NFC East: Eagles (13-3)
NFC North: Packers (12-4)
NFC South: Buccaneers (11-5)
NFC West: Rams (8-8)
NFC W/C: Saints (11-5) and Falcons (10-6)

AFC East: Patriots (14-2)
AFC North: Ravens (12-4)
AFC South: Texans (10-6)
AFC West: Chargers (11-5)
AFC W/C: Steelers (11-5) and Jets (9-7)

NFC Championship Game: Packers at Eagles
AFC Championship Game: Ravens at Patriots

NFC Champion: Eagles
AFC Champion: Patriots
Super Bowl Champion: Patriots

And what of the 49ers? No lofty predictions this year. New coach, new offensive and defensive systems, same old sorry-ass Michael Crabtree. The 49ers will finish 5-11 this year, but will get better as the season progresses. Jim Harbaugh will have the 49ers in contention next year. That's a guarantee. In the mean time, there's still too much to overcome for a young team that desperately needed an offseason together. Curse you, lockout!

Kick-off is in 30 minutes. "It's the most wonderful time of the year!"

The Super Bowl was super

Hey, how 'bout that? The Vulture got one right! The Green Bay Packers are Super Bowl champions. The game was every bit as close as the score (31-25) would indicate.

What a great game! Clearly the two best teams in the league (sorry, New England!) faced off in what turned out to be one of the better Super Bowls. Pittsburgh clawed back to within 3 points of Green Bay after being down by 18 just before halftime. But the Pack put together one last long drive for a field goal, then made a clutch defensive stand to ice the game.

Aaron Rodgers had a great game (Brett who?). The Packers defense shined.

Pittsburgh has nothing to be ashamed of. Three turnovers killed them. Killed. Them. Otherwise, it might be the Black and Gold celebrating victory instead of the Green and Gold.

There will be one more post on the NFL before I drop that bone. I'm going to compare the Vulture's preseason picks against the preseason picks of the so-called experts. Should be worthy of a chuckle or two.

Super Bowl XLV prediction

The Vulture presents his fourth annual Super Bowl prediction.

I've got a perfect record in these predictions. In each of the three previous years, the team I selected as my rooting interest/pick to win -- the Patriots, Cardinals 49ers' bitches, and Colts -- have all lost.

I apologize in advance to this year's pick.

This year I'm going with the Green Bay Packers. There's a number of reasons for this pick. First, it's a direct "in your face!" to the junk-slinger, Brett Favre, who had the worst year of his career, got in trouble for sending pictures of his junk to random women, and appears to be washed-up. Second, I'm sick of the Steelers and their legion of fans in this region. I suspect that there are as many Steelers fans in Frederick County as there are Redskins or Ravens fans. And they're arrogant. And annoying. The fans, I mean; the Steelers, as a team, seem to be about team. There aren't any Deion Sanders types prancing around saying, "Look at me! Look at me!" They are workmanlike and professional. And they're winners.

Both teams are extremely good. Both teams peaked at the right time. Both teams have quality QBs. Both teams have exceptional defenses. So why pick the Packers over the Steelers? Because the effing Steelers already have one more SB championship than my 49ers! Enough already!

I'll post after the game regarding the success of my pick. Hopefully this will be the year that I get one right.

Wrap up - a complete game

(In case you think I've lost my mind, this entry is one week late.  The 49ers are on a bye week this week.)

San Francisco finally played a complete game, where both the offense and the defense were in sync for 60 minutes.  The 49ers beat Denver 24-16. 

Smith had a solid if not spectacular game at QB.  Uh, that would be TROY Smith.  And, yes, we officially have a quarterback controversy.

Where Troy Smith really distinguished himself over Alex Smith was in the area of dealing with defensive pressure.  Troy Smith successfully bought time with his feet and kept plays alive.  This was particularly true on his spectacular scramble-and-pass to Delaney Walker in the 3rd quarter that essentially changed the momentum of the game.  Alex Smith has amazing physical tools.  But Alex Smith doesn't make that play, because Alex Smith panics.

At 2-6, why WOULDN'T the Niners give Troy Smith a chance as the starter to see if he is the guy who can get it done? 

I never understood why Troy Smith was so disrespected as an NFL QB prospect.  Oh, wait, yes I DO understand it -- it's that league-wide prejudice.  "Because he's black?"  Hell no!  It's because he's SHORT.  If a QB is under 6'1" (Smith is listed as 6'0", but, trust me, he's standing on tip-toe to register that), he's summarily dismissed by the NFL "brains". 

Short QBs get no respect.  As a short person, I personally resent that a great deal. 

Marc Wilson was 6'6".  He couldn't have sucked more.  Dan McGwire was 6'8".  He couldn't have sucked more.  Derick Anderson is 6'6".  You get the idea.

Joe Theissman was listed at 6'0" (meaning he was maybe 5'10"), and he was the starting QB in 2 Super Bowls.

Other QB's listed at 6'0" (meaning they're maybe 5'10"): Drew Brees, Jeff Garcia, Mike Vick, Fran Tarkenton, Sonny Jorgenson. 

Joe Montana was listed at 6'2".  Someone who knew him at Notre Dame told me that he wasn't anywhere near that tall.  Steve Young was listed at 6'1", and there were insinuations that he was definitely shy of that height.

C'mon, Niners!  Give a Shorty a chance! 

The first half of the season is, mercifully, over.  Here's hoping for something to build on in the second half.

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Finally off the schneid

It wasn't pretty.  No, the fact is it was just about as ugly as a win can be.  It took 6 weeks, but the 49ers are finally off the schneid.  Final score: 17-9.

That it was the woeful Raiders, at home, and we trailed for the first 44 minutes and change of the game is an indicator of just how ugly it was.

This was, however, the first game in which the 49ers had zero turnovers this year.  Yes, you read that right.

Alex Smith threw for two touchdowns in the second half after a woeful 2 of 11 start.  Frank Gore got back on track, rushing for 149 years, including a spectacular 64 yard run to set up the second touchdown.  Even Michael Crabtree contributed, making an easy catch look difficult in snagging Alex Smith's pass for the first 49ers touchdown.  Jerry Rice would have made that catch in his sleep and made it look easy as can be.  But Terrell Owens would have dropped it, so at least Crabtree has the fact he caught it to fall back on. 

The one negative of the game (besides Alex Smith playing like ass for the first 25 minutes of the game) was the officiating.  More on that follows.

I look at the remainder of the 49ers schedule and can't help but think: there's no one on tap who scares me.  San Diego?  Child please!  They lost to the Raiders and the Rams in back-to-back weeks.  Speaking of the Rams, we have them twice, plus our bitch, the Cardinals, twice.  (Bill Bidwell owns the Cardinals 363 days per year.  The 49ers own them the other two). 

We have the Seahawks again...but they're quite a bit less threatening away from their Stadium of Doom.  There's Denver in London.  But beyond that?  Nobody scary. 

Jed York could be right...we might just win the division after all.  I might just have to start drinking that Kool Aid again after all...

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Officiating has been quite consistent this year...consistently dreadful. It's not just the 49ers getting jobbed. I sat and watched the Saints commit holding on at least a dozen plays against the Buccaneers on Sunday with nary a flag in sight. I saw a Saints tackler dive into the knees of a receiver, injuring the guy. No flag for unnecessary roughness. It's atrocious.

In the past two games, 49ers opponents have not been called for holding. Not once. Never mind that I've seen defensive lineman change directions, in ways not humanly possible without being held, at least a dozen times. Not one flag.

Okay, I can see the Eagles, a team with a reputation for playing clean, getting some slack from the zebras. But the Raiders? The effing RAIDERS?!?!?!?!? The most penalized team in the history of pro football? Child, please!

I haven't figured out why this is happening. Is it the new positioning of the Umpire in the offensive backfield instead of behind the linebackers? Maybe the Umpire -- usually the official who watches for and calls holding -- just can't see what's going on in there from that position.

Or maybe the referees just suck this year. Yeah, I think that's the answer.

How else can you explain the intentional grounding penalty called the play prior to the 49ers first touchdown?  The rule, as I understand it, is that it's grounding if the quarterback throws the ball away in an effort to avoid a sack and there is no eligible receiver in the vicinity of where the ball was thrown.  So how does Alex Smith get called for grounding when (a) there was no threat of a sack, and (b) there WAS a receiver in the vicinity?  Granted, he would have had to be 13 feet tall to have caught it, but he WAS in the vicinity! 

I may have set a world's record for dropping F bombs in the aftermath of that play.  I'm still salty about it two days later.  Talk about incompetence!

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I can't believe the way this season has played out. Teams that were supposed to be awesome (49ers, Chargers) suck. Teams that were supposed to be dreadful (Bucs, Chiefs) are in the mix. The more I watch NFL football, the more I realize that I haven't a clue.

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Annual NFL Predictions

It's that time again, kiddies!  Time for the Vulture's Guaranteed-to-be-wrong picks for the the NFL Season.  Last year I predicted a Giants-Patriots rematch in the Super Bowl.  That was, as they say, not a very astute pick.  I also picked the 49ers to win the West.  Suffice it to say that the Cardinals had one last fling left due to their future Hall of Fame quarterback.

But this year is going to be different.  This year I'm gonna nail my picks.  You'll see!

Okay, I'm back on planet Earth.  These picks haven't got a snowball's chance in Arizona of coming to pass.  Yet pick them I must.  It's the very definition of insanity.

NFC East: Cowboys (11-5)
NFC North: Packers (11-5)
NFC South: Saints (12-4)
NFC West: 49ers (10-6)
NFC W/C: Vikings (11-5) and Eagles (9-7)

AFC East: Jets (11-5)
AFC North: Ravens (12-4)
AFC South: Colts (13-3)
AFC West: Chargers (11-5)
AFC W/C: Patriots (11-5) and Titans (11-5)

NFC Championship Game: Packers at Saints
AFC Championship Game: Ravens at Colts

NFC Champion: Saints
AFC Champion: Ravens
Super Bowl Champion: Saints

The 49ers will win the gawd-awful West by default. The Cardinals will return to playing Cardinals football (cover your eyes awful). The Rams are pitiful. And the Seabags are too old and brittle.

So what of my picks for the Super Bowl?  It wasn't easy this year, let me tell you.  The "experts" are all leaning to the Cowboys from the NFC.  I can't go there.  The Cowboys have to prove to me that they can get through a post season w/o choking.  And the Saints are, if anything, even better this year than last year.

The Colts are the trendy pick in the AFC -- that is, among those not picking the Jets.  I can't go there.  Mark Sanchez hasn't proved to me that he can win games.  It's one thing to stay out of the way to keep your team from losing (the 2000 Ravens Trent Dilfer model for winning).  It's another to actually be able to lead your team to victory.  The Ravens have that guy.  Joe Flacco is on the verge of emerging as a first-tier quarterback.  That, along with the Ravens tough defense, will be the difference that will get them back to the Super Bowl.

Think I'm wrong?  Think I'm full of it?  Let me know what you think.

Draft dodging? Not me!

yodaddy, probably remembering my epic tirade from last year, asks:

WELL!!!!!! I await with bated breath for your comments on the 49ers draft.  I fear that they really have made strides to displace the Cardinals....oh well.

Your evaluation is correct, father. The 49ers DID make strides to displace the Cardinals. That, and the retirement of Kurt Warner, make the 49ers the favorite in the weak-ass NFC West.

So how do I evaluate this draft.  I.  Am.  CISED!!!!!!!   This was a very productive draft in terms of addressing "need" that the team has had in years.  Compared with last year's draft, when "need" went completely unaddressed, it makes the case that Scott McGoobrain was part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Here are the picks.

Round 1 - Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers
Round 1 - Mike Iupati, OG, Idaho
Round 2 - Taylor Mays, S, USC
Round 3 - Navorro Bowman, LB, Penn State
Round 6 - Anthony Dixon, RB, Miss State
Round 6 - Nate Bynam, TE, Pitt
Round 6 - Kyle Williams, WR, Arizona State
Round 7 - Phillip Adams, CB, SC State

To paraphrase Jerry McGuire, you had me at two offensive linemen in the first round.  No BS prima dona wide receiver this year.  Nope, we got the meat-and-potatoes down-in-the-trenches big nasties that this team has been lacking for over a decade.  That means no more Chilo Rachal getting absolutely no push on running plays in 2010.  This means Frank Gore in the running for the rushing title like in 2007.  This means Alex Smith isn't buying time with his feet, but is able to settle in the pocket to find secondary receivers.

These guys are monsters, particularly Iupati, who may be the best offensive guard to come out of college since Steve Hutchenson.  Our entire offense just improved anywhere from 50 to 100% on those two players alone.

As for the rest of the draft, the choice of Taylor Mays is kind of a head-scratcher.  He was the fastest player at the combine - hey, how 'bout that - but he's not a ball-hawking center-fielder type of safety.  He's more of a linebacker-in-safety-clothing man-in-the-box safety.  But Coach Singletary likes him, so I'm at least partially sold.

Navorro Bowman was an exceptional college player.  He's fast and can play inside or outside.  But he had some "character" issues.  A coach like Singletary is ideal for him.  He's projected to be the future replacement for aging Takeo Spikes.

Anthony Dixon was a good pick up as a change of pace for Frank Gore.  He's huge (233 lbs).  He was one of the most prolific rushers in the SEC last year.  Good catch.

Nate Bynam provides depth at Tight End.  Kyle Williams is a long-shot at WR.  Philip Adams?  Who needs a slow Cornerback?

Overall, this draft rates an A.  And after last year's bizzaro draft, that's a very good thing.

Super Bowl Sunday

It's here! Super Bowl Sunday!

I'm going to go out on a limb here (not at all) and pick the Colts to win easily. Of course, I'm the kiss of death, having picked the Patriots and Cardinals in the last two Super Bowls.

I'll update this post post-game with my thoughts on the game.

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Ouch! I really AM the kiss of death.

The Colts, a better team on both sides of the ball during the regular season, played like crap the entire second half, while the Saints, after a dismal 1st quarter, played inspired football. The resulting 31-17 shellacking was as beautifully executed as it was painful to watch.

I started to get nervous when the Saints pulled off a successful onside kick to start the second half. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Even if it had failed I would still say it was brilliant because it was so random and unexpected.

Drew Brees played incredibly well. He is definitely in the top 3 or 4 quarterbacks in the game right now; he may, in fact, be #1.

Peyton Manning played well, but made one fatal mistake, the interception returned 74 yards for a touchdown in the 4th quarter with the Colts driving and down a touchdown.

Good game, all told.

Next year the NFC will be represented by the Niners! (he says, taking another sip of that Kool-Aid).

Weekend wrapup

Ah, the weekend that was! 50 degrees and beautiful on Saturday, 40 degrees and rainy on Sunday. And thank God it was 40 degrees! Had the temps been 10 degrees colder, we'd have had about 1 1/2 to 2 feet of snow!

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Boy can the Vulture pick 'em! I was wrong on EVERY SINGLE GAME played in the Divisional Playoffs this weekend. Thank God I'm not a gambler - I would have lost my shirt!

The Cardinals started it off with a thud by playing the absolute worst defense in playoff history against the Saints. Then the Ravens laid an egg. Then the Cowpukes dropped a cow pie. And then the Norv Turner Project once again did what the Norv Turner Project does best - choke away the big one.

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And while we're on the subject of "choke" - how about that Pro Bowl kicker, Nick Kaeding? He gacked away 3 - count 'em, 3 - kicks, including one that would have made it a one-score game. When you look at Kaeding, Neil Rackers, and Shayne Graham, and their "performances" in this year's playoffs, I think it's safe to say that we may have witnessed the 3 least clutch performances of the 21st century in one playoff year.

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Boy are the Cowboys a big bunch of babies! Keith Brooking took umbrage yesterday when the Vikings put up a late touchdown with the game already firmly in hand. Hey, Keith! As Lou Holtz once said, "It's our job to score points. It's their job to stop us from scoring points." So stop QQ'ing and man-up!

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Am I the only one who was damn sick and tired of hearing about Haiti every 15 minutes during the football games? Yeah, they had an earthquake. Yeah, they're butt-HURTing right now. We get it. Can we PLEASE watch the games - our escape from the real world - without getting your faux sensibilities thrust in our faces? Please?

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Team Donkey is really sweating this Massachusetts special election for "Ted Kennedy's" seat. Wassa matta, Donkeys? Afraid you won't be able to ram any more fascism down our throats without your supermajority?

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Monday. It's like a glass of ice water in the face. Bye, weekend!

Weekend Wrap-up

Welcome to the first edition of Weekend Wrap-up, a new kind of post serving as a catch-all for events of the weekend (read: a place for me to pontificate on NFL football and whatever else I feel like w/o having to do a full-blown Vulture Droppings).

Here are the things I picked up on this past weekend.

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The playoffs started this weekend. Three of the four games were either blowouts or were never in doubt. But the fourth and final game was a hoot! It was the highest scoring playoff game in NFL history, as the Cardinals (AKA the Niners' whipping boys) beat the Packers 51-45 in overtime.

Both quarterbacks - Kurt Warner (379 yards, 5 TDs) and Aaron Rodgers (421 yards, 4 TDs) - were outstanding. Both defenses were....invisible? Incompetent? Out to lunch?

There was a lot of QQing (read: whining and crying) on the radio and on various blogs about the final play of the game. Various folk are alleging that there was both helmet-to-helmet contact AND grasping the facemask on the final play -- why, a penalty should have been called!

First, there was no helmet-to-helmet contact. And second, while there was incidental facemask graspage (You like that? Just add 'age' and you have a new word!), it was of the old 5-yard variety, NOT the 15-yard personal foul variety. Now, aren't you Packers fans glad that the league eliminated the old 5-yard penalty? Cost you the game, didn't it?

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A sad note for you football fans out there. There are only 7 meaningful games left in the 2009 season. A moment of silence is called for. *silence*

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Can we all finally agree that Kurt Warner belongs in the Hall of Fame when he retires? He has had about a half dozen of the most amazing playoff performances in league history, including the 3 highest passing totals in Super Bowl history.

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Moving on to other subjects, you may have noticed that it was cold yesterday...no matter where you are. The colder it gets, the more the AGW crowd tries to shout down its opposition. If the weather patterns of the past two years continue in subsequent years, there won't be anyone BUT AGW Gaia worshipers clinging to their leftard beliefs. Oh, and our political class. Can't forget them. They'll never let go of AGW. They see it as a cash cow just waiting to be milked.

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Oh, and it WAS cold, and has been all winter; the temperatures for the lower 48 states for December were the 14th coldest since 1895. Put that in your favorite AGW fanatic's pipe the next time they blather on about "warming".

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Is it Friday yet?

Week 14 - Bringin' it on national TV

You can bet your bottom dollar that Cardinals fan yodaddy is going to like this post about as much as he liked the outcome of Monday night's game. It was a complete dismantling, as the 49ers whipped the Cards 24-9 in a game that was more of a blowout than the score would indicate.

On a night when Alex Smith wasn't his sharpest, and when his receivers all had a case of the dropsies, the 49ers went to an old, reliable friend: Frank Gore. Gore took over the offensive load, rushing 25 times for 167 yards and a touchdown, earning him Offensive Player of the Week honors.

And it's not like Smith was terrible; I swear Michael Crabtree is the worst route runner in NFL history! He's seldom in the right place to receive the ball. So Smith threw for only 144 yards and threw 2 picks, one a fluke on a deflection, the other just a poor pass. But he also threw for 2 touchdowns. He's still looking like the future at QB for the Niners.

Though Michael Crabtree is an awful route runner, he did make a highlight-worthy play on his 32-yard touchdown reception. The catch was a beauty, and the run to the end zone even prettier.

Okay, enough offense. The offense got the job done, to be sure, but it was the heroic effort by the defense that made this game a blowout. The Niners forced 7 fumbles, recovering 6. They also intercepted Kurt Warner twice, ending a streak of 165 passes he had thrown since his last pick.

Safety Dashon Goldson had his best game as a 49er: 6 tackles, an interception, and 2 forced fumbles. He is definitely playing at a high level of late.

Patrick Willis shined on national TV, with 9 tackles - 4 for a loss! - 1 sack, and a forced fumble.

Perhaps the individual who most stepped up his game was Ahmad Brooks - 3 sacks, 2 forced fumbles. Others deserving accolades include Justin Smith, who seems to always be around the pocket disrupting, and Tarell Brown, who intercepted Warner.

So...what does it all mean? Had the Cards won Monday night, they would have clinched the Division. Now they have to win twice or win once and have the 49ers lose a game in order to clinch. But last week's loss by the Niners to the Seahawks put them in a deep hole in terms of their playoff positioning. The 49ers can still win the division if the Cards lose twice (not likely; their next two games are Detroit and St. Louis, the two worst teams in the league) and the Niners win out. More likely is a Wild Card spot; it will STILL require that the Niners win out AND it will require help; the Falcons have a tie-breaker, and other teams will as well, depending on their record in Conference. It doesn't help that the next game is against Philly, one of the hottest teams in the League right now.

Still, it's the first time since 2002 that a Niners fan has had playoff hopes for his team. That's certainly worth something.

Update

This just in from espn.com's Mike Sando:

Bill Bidwill owns the Cardinals 363 days a year. The 49ers own them the other two days.

Idiots on the radio

I got out of the house extremely early this morning, so instead of being treated to Czaban's show, I had to listen to nearly an hour of that retard JT the Brick. I apologize to retards if you're offended by being compared to Mr. "the Brick".

Let's set the stage. Last night Bill Belichick took the road less traveled by attempting to go for a first down on 4th and 2 from his own 28. The try was unsuccessful, meaning that the Colts had 1st and 10 at the Patriot 29 yard line with 3 timeouts in their pocket and Peyton Manning at the wheel. The Colts, naturally, drove the short field and scored while doing their darndest to leave as little time on the clock as possible for Tom Brady to pull a miracle comeback.

The Patriots lost. Hey, it happens. Did Belichick make the right move? Absolutely!

Peyton Manning was DESTROYING the Patriot defense in the 4th quarter. Belichick essentially told his offense that the game was theirs to win. Gain 2 yards (they had almost 500 yards of total offense for the game), keep Peyton Manning on the bench, and win the game. The fact that the Colts stuffed the attempt does NOT mean that it was the wrong tactic. To say otherwise is to engage in the worst sort of Monday Morning Quarterbacking.

Back to Mr. "the Brick". This assclown went on ad infinitum, blasting Belichick for his move. The more he ranted on, the more I became convinced that Mr. "the Brick" is a moron and knows nothing at all about football. The fact that he is a Raiders fan is even further proof that he knows nothing at all about football.

Okay, so Mr. "the Brick" and I disagree. What do other football-savvy radio hosts and bloggers have to say on the subject?

An internet superintelligence agrees with me. Tuesday Morning Quarterback agrees with me. John Fricke, filling in for Czaban this morning, agrees with me. I'm sure Czaban agrees with me (he was returning from a road trip to Green Bay where he watched the Packers commit grievous acts of personal assault on the hapless Cowboys, hence his absense from the airwaves this morning).

Mr. "the Brick", you need to think before you speak...that is, if you're able to do so. Belichick was right, you are oh so very wrong. Period.

NFL 2009 - the halfway mark

We've reached the midpoint of the NFL season. So, since Toes just LOVES it when I write about football, and yodaddy just LOVES it when I write about the Niners, I'll annoy two of my regulars with one post.

I think it's safe to say that my preseason predictions were a little, uh, off. Here is the breakdown.

NFC
Division/WC	Prediction	Actual
East	Eagles 11-5	Cowboys 6-2
North	Vikings 11-5	Vikings 7-1
South	Saints 10-6	Saints 8-0
West	49ers 9-7	Cardinals 5-3
Wild Card	Giants 11-5	Eagles 5-3
Wild Card	Bears 10-6	Falcons 5-3
AFC
Division/WC	Prediction	Actual
East	Patriots 13-3	Patriots 6-2
North	Steelers 11-5	Bengals 6-2
South	Colts 12-4	Colts 8-0
West	Chargers 11-5	Broncos 6-2
Wild Card	Ravens 11-5	Steelers 6-2
Wild Card	Titans 11-5	Chargers 5-3

As you can see, not TOO bad...but there are holes. I was right in picking the Colts to unseat the Titans, and the Vikings and Saints to rise to the top of their divisions. But the Titans, Ravens, and Bears? Oy!

Can the 49ers still rally to win the West? That depends on which Arizona Cardinals team shows up for the second half of the season; the one that crapped the bed against the Panthers, or the one that wiped the floor with the Bears. I can realistically see the 49ers winning 6 of their remaining 8 games; there are only two legitimate playoff teams left in their schedule (the Eagles and Cardinals).

I picked the Giants to win the NFC. I'm amending that posthaste. Either the Vikings of the Saints will win the NFC. No one else is even close to their level.

Dallas will NOT win the East. No team coached by Wade Phillips will ever win squat. The Giants are my pick to win the East, since the Eagles can't seem to beat pushover teams like the Raiders.

The Bengals are the real deal, but they'll be a Wild Card. The Steelers look invincible.

The Broncos are starting to come back to earth. As flawed as the Chargers are, I believe they'll pass the Broncos and win the West.

The Patriots (my preseason pick for AFC and Super Bowl Champions) are rounding into form and playing quite well. The Colts are undefeated, but they're hardly a super team; they'll lose soon enough, and won't have enough to win the AFC. I stand by my pick of the Pats to win the AFC, barring a surge by the Steelers.

The season is half way over (*sniff*). There is much great football left to play. Let's hope the Niners can overcome the Michael Crabtree curse and rise to the top.

Boo! Boo Michael Crabtree! Boo!

The season starts Sunday (well, technically tomorrow night with the Steelers vs. Titans kickoff special). And where is Michael MF'ing Crabtree? Still holding out. He's the ONLY draft choice still holding out.

Fabulous.

Another MF'ing wasted draft pick! I get so tired of this. Scot McCloughan - you suck! First, you broke Vulture's First Law of the NFL Draft (never draft a WR #1). And now the prima dona bitch is holding out. Good job! You'll be working for the Lions in no time. Asshat!

Crabtree has threatened to sit out the season and re-enter the draft next year. Please do! And I hope it's every bit as successful for you as it was for Mike Williams.

Okay, now on to my bold pre-season predictions (guaranteed to be wrong, or twice your money back).

NFC East: Eagles (11-5)
NFC North: Vikings (11-5)
NFC South: Saints (10-6)
NFC West: 49ers (9-7)
NFC W/C: Giants (11-5) and Bears (10-6)

AFC East: Patriots (13-3)
AFC North: Steelers (11-5)
AFC South: Colts (12-4)
AFC West: Chargers (11-5)
AFC W/C: Ravens (11-5) and Titans (11-5)

NFC Championship Game: Giants at Eagles
AFC Championship Game: Ravens at Patriots

NFC Champion: Giants
AFC Champion: Patriots
Super Bowl Champion: Patriots

The 49ers will win the gawd-awful West by default. The Cardinals will return to playing Cardinals football (cover your eyes awful). The Rams are pitiful. And the Seabags are too old and brittle (not to mention their coach is dreadful).

But the Niners won't get past the first round of the playoffs. Too many holes. Too many need positions...like the ones that could have been filled if we hadn't drafted that asshat Michael Crabtree!

Boo! Boo Michael Crabtree! Boo!

The verdict: it's Shaun Hill!

Toes has been dying for me to post news regarding the 49ers' preseason. Far be it from me to disappoint.

The "quarterback controversy" is over. Maryland alum Shaun Hill has won the job over Alex Smith. I'm CISED! Hill is my boy. I can't say that I'm surprised that he won the job. Hill is Coach Singletary's kind of guy. He's not flashy or outwardly impressive. He just wins.

Now for the other side of the coin. Princess Michael Crabtree, the number one draft pick, STILL hasn't signed and has threatened to sit out the season if he doesn't get "top 5" money. What a tool! He hasn't so much as put on pads yet in the NFL and he wants to get paid! I hope he DOES sit out the season! Who needs his diva ass? I was on record on draft day saying that picking him was a bad decision.

Vulture's First Law of the NFL draft: Unless the player in question is a Jerry Rice, a Randy Moss, or a Larry Fitzgerald - that is to say, a once-in-a-decade or once-in-a-lifetime kind of player - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, N-E-V-E-R draft a Wide Receiver in the first round. Michael Oher was still on the board, a huge OL with a penchant for destroying defensive linemen!!!!! There were two decent OLB/DE prototype linemen still on the board.

But Vulture, he could end up being that once-in-a-decade guy! Yeah, and I could start shooting fire from my ass!

See? Again I have to say it: I told you so!

We're only about 2 weeks away from Opening Day. In spite of a gawd-awful draft and the switch to the Willie "Too Big" Hall uniforms (see here for the explanation of that reference), I'm really energized and excited for the 2009 season. The Niners are in a weak division, and if one thing is true in the NFL it's this: if it CAN happen, it WILL happen. This could be our year! I'm officially drinking the 49er Kool-Aid!

A little perspective on the Vick signing

Unless you are not a sports fan or are living in a cave, you know that the Philadelphia Eagles signed ex-convict Michael Vick to a 2-year contract late last week. There has been the predictable hullabaloo from the predictable sources.

A Web site, sackvick.net, quickly sought protesters to contact the Eagles' corporate sponsors, and it had posted many of them and their CEOs with e-mail addresses and phone numbers, from PepsiCo and Sprint Nextel to Lincoln Financial.

Philadelphia native Jan Garber spent Friday morning calling Eagles sponsors after finding them on the team's Web site, according to The Philadelphia Inquirer.

"This is my own campaign; the corporate sponsors are on the Eagles' Web site," Garber said in an e-mail to the newspaper. "I am not an Eagles fan, just a native Philadelphian who is shocked and dismayed by this clandestine signing of a criminal to the local franchise.

And, of course, what's a little hullabaloo without a token protest.

As a board member for the Pennsylvania Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Jennifer Utley, the wife of Philadelphia Phillies second baseman Chase Utley,was among a group of protesters who stood outside the Eagles' practice facility Friday as the team introduced Vick during a news conference inside.

"We fight animal cruelty every single day in this city," Utley told Fox 29 of Philadelphia.

Okay, people. Take a deep breath. It's time for Uncle Vulture to shower a little perspective on you.

First, what Michael Vick did - running a dog fighting ring where the "losers" were drowned or strangled - is about the most heinous thing a person can do to an animal as loving and devoted as the dog. He's a disgusting turd of a human being.

Second, I'm no fan of his playing abilities, either. Vick is O-ver-Ra-ted *clap clap clap clap clap*. He is little more than the black Bobby Douglass. He's Vince Young with a slightly more accurate arm.

That stated up front, I find the reaction of fans to Vick's signing more than a little puzzling, especially given the reaction for offenses I consider far more appalling.

Take the case of Leonard Little. His little birthday celebration in 1999 ended up with an innocent women dead. Little was driving with a BAC of .19 when he crashed into and killed Susan Gutweiler. He served 90 days in jail and was suspended for 8 games by the league.

Donte Stallworth struck and killed a man just this past Winter. While it can be argued that the man was at least equally guilty as Mr. Stallworth (he was jaywalking), the 24 days in prison Stallworth received as a sentence for driving with a .126 BAC was laughable. The NFL has suspended Stallworth for the entire 2009 season.

Now look at Vick. He served 19 months in prison for his role in the dog fighting ring, as well as charges of animal cruelty. He voluntarily sat out the entire 2007 season waiting for the criminal justice system to deal with his case. And he's not cleared to play until at least Week 6 of the 2009 season, at which time the Commissioner will decide whether he can be activated again.

90 days in jail for vehicular manslaughter. 24 days in jail for accidentally killing a man while intoxicated. 19 months for dog fighting and animal cruelty? I'm a little confused at the priorities of the criminal justice system.

Now look at the relative suspensions. 8 games for vehicular manslaughter. 16 games for accidentally killing a man while intoxicated. At least 21 games - maybe more - for dog fighting and animal cruelty. Again, count me as perplexed.

Vick is a scumbag and a lousy player. But he's paid his "debt to society" and he's got every right to a second chance. So lighten up, people!

Besides, the dog in the inset picture has her eye on Vick!

Damn Niners!

Uh, Toes...you may want to skip this one. It's (a) about the 49ers, (b) about the NFL, and (c) loaded with semi-censored profanity.

I have officially reached the limits of my patience with the 49ers and their asshat owners, the Yorks. Everything the 49ers did this past weekend either pissed me off or made me want to bang my head through the wall.

Let's start with the "new" uniforms. To paraphrase Willie "Too Big" Hall -- "At least we got a change of clothes. You're wearing the same shit you had on four decades ago". * Yes, that's right. 1960's style, to the max. The 49ers have exchanged what was EASILY the best uniform in the entire league for "the same shit they had on" in 1969!

Ooooh! But it's been modernized! The dopey 1960's-style stripes are thinner now! And they kept the updated helmet logo!

BFD! Those uniforms look like shit! The Niners now officially have the second-blandest uniform in the entire league (No one - let me repeat, NO ONE - will EVER overtake the quintessentially bland and awful uniforms of the Cleveland Browns).

Wide red-white-red helmet stripe. John Brodie and Charlie Krueger just called - they loved it....IN 1970!!!!!!! And the gray facemasks. Ugh. Talk about totally washing out the entire helmet. The jersey is fine. Boring, but fine. The pants are the same boring shit they wore for 30 years before the coolest uniform ever was unveiled between 1996 and 1998.

Now the coolest uniform ever is a thing of the past. I. Could. Just. Effing. Scream.

But if I thought the uniforms were bad, they were positively AWESOME compared to the goat-screw that was the Niners performance in the draft.

The Niners went into the draft with the stated goal of establishing Mike Singletary's kind of team -- smashmouth, imposing it's will on its opponents. No flash, just mash.

In order to accomplish this, they needed to bring in some big, strong, ugly dudes on both sides of the line of scrimmage. OL depth. A dominating nose tackle. A pass rusher.

They then proceeded to produce this abortion of a draft!

Round 1 - Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech.
Round 3 - Glen Coffee, RB, Alabama
Round 5 - Scott McKillop, ILB, Pittsburgh
Round 5 - Nate Davis, QB, Ball State
Round 6 - Bear Pascoe, TE, Fresno State
Round 7 - Curtis Taylor, S, LSU
Round 8 - Ricky Jean-Francois, DT, LSU

ARE. YOU. EFFING. KIDDING. ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!

Vulture's First Law of the NFL draft: Unless the player in question is a Jerry Rice, a Randy Moss, or a Larry Fitzgerald - that is to say, a once-in-a-decade or once-in-a-lifetime kind of player - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, N-E-V-E-R draft a Wide Receiver in the first round. Michael Oher was still on the board, a huge OL with a penchant for destroying defensive linemen!!!!! There were two decent OLB/DE prototype linemen still on the board.

But Vulture, he could end up being that once-in-a-decade guy! Yeah, and I could start shooting fire from my ass! C'mon! Texas Tech?!?!?! For crying out loud!

But that wasn't the worst. After trading the #2 pick to Carolina - the one smart thing they did all frigging weekend! - they proceeded to draft a Running Back. The 49ers have two superstar players: Frank Gore and Patrick Willis. Last time I looked, Frank Gore plays RUNNING BACK! Yes, depth is good. But that was a second round pick that could have gone towards defensive help! Or OL depth!

Based on the theme of the previous pick, guess what the next pick was? Yeah, AN MF-ING INSIDE LINEBACKER! Gee. Doesn't Patrick Willis play........INSIDE LINEBACKER?!?!??!

Oh, but they weren't done tearing my heart out! Now they proceeded to waste the next pick on A QUARTERBACK!!!! NOW I'm PISSED!!!!!!! They just renegotiated Alex Smith's contract - he's supposed to be the QB of the future. They've got my boy Shaun Hill, who has done nothing but win 70% of his starts on a team that hasn't sniffed .500 since 2002; a QB they insist on treating like a red-headed stepchild because there's no sizzle with his steak. Yeah, we needed another quarterback...

A blocking tight end (like there aren't 500 of THOSE available as free agents AFTER the draft!). A safety known for trying for SportsCenter big hits rather than for technically sound tackling. And then, to rub my nose in it like a dog who's pooped on the floor, they FINALLY draft a Defensive Lineman.

Yesterday evening I was threatening divorce. You know, I divorced a team I thought I would love for the rest of my life before. I divorced the Oakland A's in 1997 for the mortal sin of preferring to be cheap and finish 2nd every year rather than to re-sign the premier home run hitter of his generation, Mark McGwire.

But I can't do it. This team has brought me so much joy over the past 40 years. 5 championships. Two of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. The greatest wide receiver EVER. The greatest Free Safety EVER. The Catch. The Catch II. Montana to John Taylor for the win in SB XXIII. Garrison Hearst's 96 yard TD run to beat the Jets in OT in '97.

49ers, I wish I knew how to quit you.

* from The Blues Brothers, one of my all-time favorite movies