Weekend wrapup: channeling Daryl Lamonica

The 49ers won yesterday, 23-30.  The game was every bit as close as the score would indicate.  The referees were abysmal.  And Troy Smith channeled Daryl Lamonica.

Think I'm kidding?  Smith completed his first two passes...for 97 yards.  That's 48.5 yards per toss.  That's Daryl Lamonica numbers, baby!

Smith ended up having an other-worldly day, completing 17-28 for 356 yards and 1 TD that counted.  Why do I say "that counted"?  Because 3 (THREE!) were wiped out by penalties, including two in the 4th quarter prior the the one that put the 49ers ahead with just under 3 minutes to play.

I said that the refs were abysmal, but I'll give them this: they called a holding penalty against a 49er opponent for the first time in 6 games.  Yes, children, that is correct: in the previous 5 games no 49er opponent was called for holding.  Not even the Raiders!

Of course, the refs more than made up for that table scrap by calling FOUR holding penalties on the 49ers, including two that killed 4th quarter touchdowns that would have put the 49ers in the lead.

That cloud over Frederick just before 7 PM yesterday?  That was caused by the swarm of f-bombs I was dropping as the refs forced my blood pressure into the stratosphere.

The game was tied at 20-20 at the end of regulation, thanks to a quality drive by rookie quarterback Sam Bradford, who appears to be on the verge of becoming the next great NFL quarterback.

When the Rams got the ball first in OT, I feared the worst.  However, the Rams were unable to move the ball and punted.  This is when the abysmal refereeing struck again.  This time, however, the 49ers were the beneficiaries.  Troy Smith was under pressure in the pocket and threw up a prayer in the general direction of Delaney Walker.  It was thrown about two yards behind Walker, who spun around and tried to get back to the ball.  In doing so, he ran square into a Rams safety, which drew a highly questionable pass interference penalty.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the pass supposed to be CATCHABLE in order for pass interference to be called?  Even if the Rams safety wasn't in the way, it would have been virtually impossible for Walker to reach the pass.

The PI penalty and 2 Frank Gore runs set up the winning field goal by an ailing Joe Nedney.

26 penalties (12 against the Rams, 14 against the 49ers) for 240 yards (105 against the Rams, 135 against the 49ers). Way to go, Ed Hochuli Hercules!

If we didn't have a QB controversy before this week, we certainly have one now.  Troy Smith was mega clutch down the stretch in the 4th quarter.  Moreover, he refused to let the BS penalties that negated the two 4th quarter touchdowns impact him.  He continued to press forward and push his team to victory.  The key plays of the 4th quarter happened after the second touchdown-negating holding call created a 3rd-and-32 situation at midfield.  Credit offensive coordinator Mike Johnson certainly, both on these plays as well as for the game as a whole.  But give Troy Smith HUGE props for turning 3rd-and-32 into a more manageable 4th-and-18, and then converting that 4th down with a nice pass to and run by Frank Gore.  The go-ahead touchdown was scored on the very next play.

Did I mention Frank Gore?  He was huge, with 87 yards rushing, 67 yards receiving, and a touchdown.

You'd think with 356 yards passing that there would be a 100 yard receiver...and you'd be wrong.  Johnson in game-planning and Smith in execution were masterful in spreading the ball around the field.

The defense played well at times.  Patrick Willis was excellent as always (11 tackles, 1 sack).  Justin Smith had 5 tackles and an important sack in overtime.

The 49ers are 2 games out of first place.  They are on a 2 game winning streak.  It's not gonna be enough, even in a putrid West Division.

Damn it.

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Finally off the schneid

It wasn't pretty.  No, the fact is it was just about as ugly as a win can be.  It took 6 weeks, but the 49ers are finally off the schneid.  Final score: 17-9.

That it was the woeful Raiders, at home, and we trailed for the first 44 minutes and change of the game is an indicator of just how ugly it was.

This was, however, the first game in which the 49ers had zero turnovers this year.  Yes, you read that right.

Alex Smith threw for two touchdowns in the second half after a woeful 2 of 11 start.  Frank Gore got back on track, rushing for 149 years, including a spectacular 64 yard run to set up the second touchdown.  Even Michael Crabtree contributed, making an easy catch look difficult in snagging Alex Smith's pass for the first 49ers touchdown.  Jerry Rice would have made that catch in his sleep and made it look easy as can be.  But Terrell Owens would have dropped it, so at least Crabtree has the fact he caught it to fall back on. 

The one negative of the game (besides Alex Smith playing like ass for the first 25 minutes of the game) was the officiating.  More on that follows.

I look at the remainder of the 49ers schedule and can't help but think: there's no one on tap who scares me.  San Diego?  Child please!  They lost to the Raiders and the Rams in back-to-back weeks.  Speaking of the Rams, we have them twice, plus our bitch, the Cardinals, twice.  (Bill Bidwell owns the Cardinals 363 days per year.  The 49ers own them the other two). 

We have the Seahawks again...but they're quite a bit less threatening away from their Stadium of Doom.  There's Denver in London.  But beyond that?  Nobody scary. 

Jed York could be right...we might just win the division after all.  I might just have to start drinking that Kool Aid again after all...

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Officiating has been quite consistent this year...consistently dreadful. It's not just the 49ers getting jobbed. I sat and watched the Saints commit holding on at least a dozen plays against the Buccaneers on Sunday with nary a flag in sight. I saw a Saints tackler dive into the knees of a receiver, injuring the guy. No flag for unnecessary roughness. It's atrocious.

In the past two games, 49ers opponents have not been called for holding. Not once. Never mind that I've seen defensive lineman change directions, in ways not humanly possible without being held, at least a dozen times. Not one flag.

Okay, I can see the Eagles, a team with a reputation for playing clean, getting some slack from the zebras. But the Raiders? The effing RAIDERS?!?!?!?!? The most penalized team in the history of pro football? Child, please!

I haven't figured out why this is happening. Is it the new positioning of the Umpire in the offensive backfield instead of behind the linebackers? Maybe the Umpire -- usually the official who watches for and calls holding -- just can't see what's going on in there from that position.

Or maybe the referees just suck this year. Yeah, I think that's the answer.

How else can you explain the intentional grounding penalty called the play prior to the 49ers first touchdown?  The rule, as I understand it, is that it's grounding if the quarterback throws the ball away in an effort to avoid a sack and there is no eligible receiver in the vicinity of where the ball was thrown.  So how does Alex Smith get called for grounding when (a) there was no threat of a sack, and (b) there WAS a receiver in the vicinity?  Granted, he would have had to be 13 feet tall to have caught it, but he WAS in the vicinity! 

I may have set a world's record for dropping F bombs in the aftermath of that play.  I'm still salty about it two days later.  Talk about incompetence!

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I can't believe the way this season has played out. Teams that were supposed to be awesome (49ers, Chargers) suck. Teams that were supposed to be dreadful (Bucs, Chiefs) are in the mix. The more I watch NFL football, the more I realize that I haven't a clue.

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More California moonbattery

I'm a little bit behind in getting to this story.  But it's too good to pass on.

It seems that the Nanny State worshipers in the California Assembly - amid an economic crisis that has the state teetering on the brink of bankruptcy - have found time to pass a resolution against profanity.

Feeling a little salty, Californians? Better get it out of your system while you can.

Amid the ongoing — and occasionally tense — debate over how to clean up California's budget mess, lawmakers are trying to tidy something else, almost as unmanageable: our language. Thursday morning, the Assembly approved a ceremonial resolution turning the first week of March into "Cuss Free Week."

With the Senate expected to follow suit next week, all Californians will be asked to bite back on four-letter words and a few choice compound phrases. WT (bleep)?, you ask. Don't sweat: Police officers won't be waiting with soap. That's not the point.

According to sponsors of the measure — inspired by a Southern California teen whose creation of a "no cussing" school club sparked an international movement — it's more about minding the delicate sensibilities of those around you. Like your grandmother. "When we're at our grandmother's house," said Anthony Portantino, D-Pasadena, "we have respect and decorum."

Uh huh.  "Minding the delicate sensibilities of those around you."  Right.

I have no use whatsoever for meaningless, nonsense resolutions.  It's bad enough that our "representatives" are selling us out to enrich themselves and their crony friends.  But when they start bandying about this kind of nonsense, I just want to scream.

So, though I'm a week late, I want to drop this four-letter word on the CA Assembly: fail.

Is The Vulture irresponsible?

Notwithstanding that the question can be answered in the affirmative regarding SOME aspects of my life, I think, on balance, I'm a fairly responsible person. I mean, if there's a stream of f-bombs emanating from my work area, you can be sure I'm responsible.

[Cue rimshot]

All joking aside, I'm a little taken aback at being accused of irresponsible behavior by a spokespuke from the World Health Organization for simply speaking my mind on the farce that is the attempted fear mongering of that organization and a number of national government organs regarding the H1N1 virus.

The World Health Organization on Monday slammed as "irresponsible" critics who claim swine flu is a fake pandemic created for the benefit of drug companies.

The U.N. health agency said the outbreak of a new strain of H1N1 influenza in North America last year had all the scientific characteristics of a pandemic, adding the WHO was never improperly influenced by the pharmaceutical industry that has benefited from huge government orders for vaccines and anti-viral drugs.

"The world is going through a real pandemic. The description of it as a fake is wrong and irresponsible," the WHO said in a strongly worded statement Monday.

A WHO spokesman declined to spell out who the World Health Organization was responding to in its statement, saying only that "this applies to anyone who believes it is not a real pandemic."

I'm so hurt! [/sarcasm]

Lest you succumb to the temptation to fall for the spokesmonkey's rhetoric, let me show you some numbers -- THEIR numbers -- on the "toll" of this "pandemic".

According to a WHO tally dated Jan. 17, more than 209 countries and territories have reported laboratory confirmed cases of swine flu, including at least 14,142 deaths. This is far fewer than would be expected to die each year from seasonal flu, but the figure is likely to exclude many unreported cases, according to WHO.

So, we have a "pandemic" that doesn't even rise to the level of a "normal" flu season...and we who are simply pointing out this fact are the "irresponsible" ones. Riiiiiiiiiight.

Welcome to the surreal world of the One World Socialist Utopia dimwit bureaucrat.

Week 11 - The Truth Hurts

It was painfully apparent at the end of the first half that the 49ers just aren't the team I thought they were. They were behind 23-3 and, truthfully, it wasn't even really that close. Oh, sure, Coach Singletary turned the offense loose in the second half to make the final score a respectable 30-24, but, again, it wasn't really that close.

As I said, Coach S. turned the offense loose in the second half. WHY he insists on waiting until the Niners are 20 points behind before he takes the shackles off the offense is the mystery here.

Coach S. lost a whole lot of his luster yesterday. A crap play call on 3rd and inches leaves 4th and a yard, deep in Packers territory. And he kicks the field goal!!!!! A mincy, fraidy field goal!!!!! To plagiarize TMQ, "I wrote in my notebook, 'Game Over'."

For a man who was a fearless player, Mike Singletary is a big mincing sissy as a head coach...or at least he was yesterday. He's also W-A-A-A-Y too stubborn; it's apparent to anyone who's watched the 49ers with Alex Smith under center that he (Alex Smith) stinks on ice out of a standard pro set, but is something special working out of a spread formation. So......here's an idea......WHY NOT PLAY TO HIS STRENGTHS?!?!?!?!?

This team is NOT going to the playoffs. Not unless the Cardinals' team plane crashes before Week 12.

It wasn't all bad. The legend of Vernon Davis grows - he's having a MONSTER year. If he doesn't go to the Pro Bowl, they shouldn't even hold it this year. Michael Crabtree scored his first NFL touchdown yesterday (cue Homer Simpson, "Hey, how 'bout that?" [/sarcasm]). And after an abysmal first half, Alex Smith was dynamite in the second, throwing for 3 touchdowns and over 220 yards.

But the defense flat-out stunk. The unit that carried the team early on has regressed to the same sorry defense the team played under Drunky Erickson. Sad. Just sad.

So the Niners are going to be mediocre for a 7th straight year. *sigh*

Is it too early to start chanting, "Wait 'til next year!"?

Occupation: student, Pay: ???

Imagine my surprise. I was watching the Glenn Beck show on CNN Headline News the other night with the missus. Glenn casually dropped a few facts about ways the left has succeeded in implementing socialism. Then he drops this bombshell about how students are getting paid to go to school -- in MARYLAND!!! After his "bomb", I dropped some "bombs" of my own, if you catch my drift.

You don't believe me? Believe this!

In Baltimore, students at four middle schools are already earning money - albeit money they won't be able to spend for some time. The Stocks in the Future program, also offered at two schools in Baltimore County, teaches students about the stock market and allows them to earn up to $80 a year based on attendance and grades to spend on stocks. They can cash in the stock when they graduate from high school.

Are you kidding me?

Then, today I read that a similar scheme is in place in Connecticut.

Students who pass Advanced Placement tests at Wilby High School in Waterbury will be getting hard cold cash rewards.

The students who pass their final AP tests next year will earn $100 for themselves for every test they pass.

Isn't that nice? It's not bad enough that I had to pay over $8k per year to put my kids in private schools because the Middle School and High School in our district suck, but now more of my money in the form of state and federal tax dollars is going to be redistributed to little asshats for doing nothing more than what's expected from a f'in student!

It sort of puts yesterday's rant about Tax Day into perspective, doesn't it?

Wiener of the Week

This week's winner is skeezy old battle ax Jane Fonda. Hanoi Jane, whose despicable history of treason and America-hatred is unparalleled, once again managed to stir controversy when she dropped a "C" bomb on live network TV.

Now, I've dropped a few bombs in my time. It's not something I'm proud of, certainly. But at my worst I never dropped a "C" bomb in the presence of ladies, let alone children. "F" bombs, yes. But the "C" bomb is particularly offensive to women. Which makes the shadenfreude that much more enjoyable, what with Ms. Fonda's reputation as a feminist.

Hanoi Jane, you're the Wiener of the Week.