Only in Columbia!

For those of you unfamiliar with Columbia, MD, let me bring you up to speed.

Columbia sprung into existence in the late 1960's, the brain child of one James Rouse. It was one of the first so-called "planned" communities. It was to be perfectly laid out, logically grouping like services in their own "zones", with residences grouped into "villages", wrapped up neatly with a bow, with a large mall as the "Town Center". Located 16 miles west of Baltimore and 30 miles northeast of Washington, it is ideally located to be a commuter suburb.

The "vision" was that Columbia would be a place where people of all races, creeds, and colors could live together in peace and harmony in a little bit of planned heaven.

Naturally, Columbia has become the home of any number of moonbats. You know of whom I speak: the granola-munching "Save the Earth"-chanting Prius-driving sanctimonious dimwit hopelessly lost in the rhetoric of the 1960's.

So when I saw this, I naturally muttered, "Only in Columbia!"

Ann Geddes doesn't want a "fair and balanced" workout. But the 49-year-old worker for a nonprofit agency is having no luck getting the channel changed in front of her favorite rowing machine at a Columbia gym.

The television happens to be tuned permanently to Fox News. Geddes, a liberal Democrat and former legislative aide to a Howard County delegate, said she can't stomach the conservative lineup that appears nightly as she gets her exercise. Even though the sound is off, the words scrolling across the bottom of the screen infuriate her.

"It makes my blood pressure go up," she said.

Befitting the democratic (with a small "d") pedigree of a planned community founded on the principle of races and classes living side by side, Geddes has taken her complaint up the chain of command, from the attendant at the gym run by the Columbia Association to the new president of the giant homeowners' group.

She's had no success. Now she's going public.

Wait. It gets better.

Bob Bellamy, the Columbia Association's director of operations, said 43,000 people use the Supreme Sports Club facility yearly, and Geddes is the only one who has complained.

"She called me up and wanted me to take Fox News off all the TVs," he said, gesturing to the six big flat-screens fixed to the main exercise room wall.

Isn't that so very typical of the reactionary Left? "I don't like it; ban it!"

Understand, I'm no fan of Fox News. Their "All Neocon, All the Time" programming has gotten quite stale IMO. But who does this lady think she is, forcing HER choice of programming on the entire gym? And why can't the stupid biatch simply move down two machines where she can sit safely in front of a TV showing comforting, Left-liberal CNN?

Thankfully, the Columbia Association isn't going along with the fruitloop fascist's pogrom.

Columbia Association officials say they won't heed Geddes' request to remove Fox from the cable lineup. In order to provide choices and eliminate squabbling among patrons, they say that every gym monitor is tuned to a particular station and can't be changed. Of the 40 large-screen televisions in the general exercise rooms in Columbia's three gyms, three are set to receive Fox.

"There is no way that we can stop showing one channel because of one person," said Phil Nelson, the president of the homeowner's group, in a written response to Geddes' request.

Thank you, Mr. Nelson! At least SOMEONE has a clue over there.

The next time someone tries to tell you how the Right Wing and Christians are trying to impose their will on you, bring this up. This is more the norm than any other political or religious group pressuring for their will to be imposed.

BTW, libertarians NEVER try to impose their will on ANYONE. Remember that the next time you vote.

Week 3 - Curse you, Brett Fav-re!

Those of you who aren't particularly fond of The Vulture can engage in a little bit of schadenfreude this morning, courtesy of Brett effing Fav-re.

[O]n Sunday, Favre's 32-yard touchdown pass to Greg Lewis with two seconds remaining in the game was exactly what we expect from the future Hall of Famer.

In a game in which the 49ers contained Adrian Peterson, lost Frank Gore and unleashed Vernon Davis, it was Favre that wast he difference maker in the Vikings 27-24 victory.

It was 24-20. The Niners were winning; winning ugly, to be sure, but winning nonetheless. Then that rat bastard Fav-re went to work against the prevent defense. I wasn't really worried; there were 12 seconds left when the game winning play snap occurred. Fav-re was flushed from the pocket and had to buy time; I STILL wasn't concerned. Then he threw the ball. Then it got caught.

If you heard an extremely loud cry of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" at 4:14 EDT yesterday, that was me.

2 seconds. 2 frigging seconds! Talk about a gut punch!

It was made all the more frustrating when you stop to look at what the 49ers accomplished in just BEING in this game. "The offense", Frank Gore, went down on his first carry. Suddenly that 3rd round pick spent on Glen Coffee didn't seem so irrational (apologies to the GM).

The offense never really got it going for any extended stretch, but did enough to score on two beautiful passes from Shaun Hill to Vernon Davis, who is suddenly looking very much like a budding superstar.

Special teams both came up huge AND let us down. The blocked punt returned for a touchdown by Nate Clements (who's no longer in my dog house; apologies to Nate for having been a hater) was a very palpable momentum changing moment in the game. So, however, was the 101-yard kickoff return by rookie Percy Harvin, a wide receiver who actually signed a contract and reported to camp to help his team instead of being a diva like that bitch Michael Crabtree.

Manny Lawson had his best game since he blew up his knee two years ago. He was a beast. Justin Smith and Patrick Willis were also beasts! The entire defense played exceptionally well.

Shaun Hill overcame a dreadful start to post an extremely clutch performance. He may not look pretty, but he's a winner, pure and simple.

I am more and more impressed with Coach Singletary with each passing game. The man INSPIRES. When the team looks shaky, he simply calls time out, gives them the pep talk (or the ass chewing, whichever is required), and the next thing you know the team looks confident and capable. He makes great in-game adjustments, particularly defensive adjustments. Example: the Niners were getting KILLED in the first half by Fav-re every time they blitzed him. In the second half, the strategy changed and Fav-re didn't do squat until the prevent defense was employed.

The referees were dreadful. EJ Henderson's head was PAST THE BALL on the first snap of the game and he wasn't flagged for a neutral zone infraction. There was the pass play where Brett Fav-re was easily 2 yards past the line of scrimmage when he threw, but the line judge (the same dope who missed the Henderson offside) completely missed it; thankfully, it was overturned on review. And I will insist until the day I die that, on the game-winning catch, the receiver's toes were on the end line!

Nevertheless, this was a VERY positive showing for the Niners, the result notwithstanding. My boys stood toe-to-toe with a team that many have picked to go to the Super Bowl this year, and did it in their stadium.

Well done, lads! And, curse you, Brett Fav-re! Go retire already!

Understanding people (read: I don't) - UPDATED

Friday I made the colossal mistake of wading into a hornet nest. Coram Non Judice, or as I prefer to call it, Capus Penitus Culus (Latin for "head inside ass"), is the hornet nest of which I speak. WHY I bothered to go there and try to reason with those people is beyond me, but go there I did.

TxBluesMan (or as I like to call him, the Caput a Palos - THAT, I will not translate; suffice it to say it's not very nice) is the proprietor of that blog. Who is he? Who knows? See, his thing is to blog anonymously. In what passes for his mind, he is simply following in the tradition of "Franklin, Hamilton, Adams, et al during the founding days of our republic". Yes, that is a direct quote from the egomaniac.

Of course, the Founders wrote anonymously because the things they wrote had the potential to get them arrested, imprisoned, or even killed by agents of the King. The things that the Caput a Palos writes certainly do NOT meet any comparison to the founders. Let me count the ways.

• He presents himself as some sort of legal expert. Of course, by blogging anonymously, his actual legal credentials are unknown.
• He slanders commenters who disagree with him. More on that follows.
  
• He writes horrible, ugly things about the FLDS and those who support them.
• He is extraordinarily rude, egomaniacal, and verbally abusive.
• He has "outed" (revealed the identity of another anonymous blogger) or attempted to "out" (in my case) others while treating his own anonymity as sacrosanct.
  

The truth is this: if the Caput a Palus wrote the ugly things he writes "in the clear", with his name, city of residence, and picture prominently displayed on his blog page (like, for example, MINE), I don't believe he'd write the way he does. He's not blogging anonymously in some sort of altruistic mission like that of the Founders. No, he's blogging anonymously because he's a coward and a bully.

Among the slanderous and abusive things the Caput a Palos has written about me (never mind others whose opinions he disagrees with) - in complete anonymity, remember - include:

• That I am pro-pedophilia and pro-polygamy
• That I am a wannabe lawyer (As if! I hold lawyers in utter contempt - and the Caput a Palos has done nothing to change that opinion)
• That I am a "religious nut"
• He mocked the very idea of a computer programmer like me expressing an opinion on legal matters - only the opinions of "lawyers" are valid in matters of law in his view
• Responding to a commenter who alleged that I was one of those people who are concerned about our own rights but tend not to want others to have rights, he wrote, "Only if they are Protestant - they tend not to be very tolerant."
• His latest: that I support the right of the FLDS to molest children
  

He, anonymously, writes vile accusations about me and others, who are not anonymous. If that's not cowardly, I don't know what is.

His sycophantic commenters are every bit as vile as he is; they've accused me of being menopausal, questioned my sexual preference, accused me of being a pedophile, and accused me of being a bad Christian.

That his commenters disrespect me is of little importance, except in this regard. They have made me even more aware of a basic flaw in human beings. When a core belief or deeply held prejudice is challenged by someone else, no matter how logical or persuasive the arguments against it, they will NEVER change their minds. N-E-V-E-R. They may not have counter arguments that make a lick of sense. It matters not. They will shut down the conversation by either fleeing or in the manner of an enraged ape, by flinging feces. There was lots of feces flying yesterday.

Reflecting on this tendency, I have to say that I'm VERY pessimistic about the future. If you can't convince someone that even unpopular minorities like the FLDS have rights under the US Constitution, how in the world are we going to convince the TV Generation that our government is engaged in fascistic takeovers of the automobile industry, the banks, and - coming soon - health care?

Am I wrong? I think not.

By the way, there IS one existing picture of the Caput a Palos - and I've found it.

UPDATE:

It seems that the anti-FLDS community is full of...well, something. I was over exchanging views at the FLDS Texas blog and had most of my comments purged because I was labeled a "troll" by the administrator.

Folks on that site accused me of misogyny, bigotry, supporting the molestation of young women, hating women, trying to inflict my "man" opinions on others, and, once again, I had my sexual preference questioned (if I EVER meet that c***s***er Stamp, I'll show him which way I go!). For this, I get flagged as a troll.

It sort of makes my point, doesn't it? Try to change the strongly-held beliefs and prejudices of some people and you'll only get feces in the face.

Wiener of the Week

When I read something like this, I literally feel like my head is going to explode.

A tiny car company backed by former Vice President Al Gore has just gotten a $529 million U.S. government loan to help build a hybrid sports car in Finland that will sell for about $89,000.

WTF?

You're telling me that, in the midst of a financial downturn in which millions of Americans have lost their jobs, our government is loaning that lard ass fraud Al Gorebells over a half billion dollars to create a car that only the very wealthy can afford? And the car will be built in Finland, NOT the USA?

Words fail me. At least, words that aren't of the four-letter variety.

DOE, for loaning money to a multi-millionaire to create a product for the ultra-wealthy built in a country other than the US in the midst of an economic downturn, you're the Wiener of the Week.

I-270 and the morons who neglect it

I gripe about I-270 a lot. As is non-stop, day and night. Anyone who has read this blog for a while knows how much I loath that gawd awful highway to hell. And, according to the National Capital Region Transportation Planning Board, I bitch with good reason.

In a recent report by the National Capital Region Transportation Planning Board, I-270 was listed among the five corridors with the longest delays.

Between 8 and 9 a.m., southbound I-270 can be backed up as much as 16 miles, with a 12.5-minute estimated delay, according to the study. A northbound evening commute between 4:30 and 5:30 p.m. can result in a 23-mile bottleneck.

Can result? Try it's not altogether uncommon. My standard sardonic comment regarding I-270 is that if someone spits on the sidewalk in Rockville, you can add 2 hours to your commute.

Okay, Vulture, so why are you beating this dead horse again? (Mmmm...dead horse...a Vulture's favorite dish!)

I might has let this story slide had it not included this moronic comment by a "public official" whose job it is to convince the public that mass transit is the solution.

"Widening a highway like I-270 creates more traffic that gets dumped onto other roads," he said.

Spoken like a true collectivist tool.

Let me suggest that quite the opposite occurs. The only reason the traffic is as bad as it is on Maryland 355 and US-15 is because of people trying to bail on I-270! Build a better 270, and watch as the overflow traffic on 355 and 15 goes from awful to non-existent. Better yet, build the Outer Beltway that has been promised for, oh, I don't know, since the Reagan administration, and THEN we'll see what traffic REALLY looks like.

I know! Why don't we try to do it my way for a change and turn I-270 from Frederick to Germantown into an 8-lane superhighway? Your way...to stick your head in the sand (or wherever it is that you stick it) and say "Let them take transit!" obviously doesn't work.

Honda Insight - Best. Review. Ever.

The Insight is Honda's attempt to jump on the Prius bandwagon. You know, the smug I'm-saving-the-planet-aren't-I-awesome bandwagon. The POS even LOOKS like a damn Prius.

Jeremy Clarkson of Times Online (that would be the online edition of the Times of London) takes the Insight apart in such a way that, whether you're a car aficionado or not, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wet yourself when you read his review. Excerpts won't do it justice; however, let me whet your interest with this.

Much has been written about the Insight, Honda’s new low-priced hybrid. We’ve been told how much carbon dioxide it produces, how its dashboard encourages frugal driving by glowing green when you’re easy on the throttle and how it is the dawn of all things. The beginning of days.

So far, though, you have not been told what it’s like as a car; as a tool for moving you, your friends and your things from place to place.

So here goes. It’s terrible. Biblically terrible. Possibly the worst new car money can buy. It’s the first car I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to drive it any more.

And another.

And the sound is worse. The Honda’s petrol engine is a much-shaved, built-for-economy, low-friction 1.3 that, at full chat, makes a noise worse than someone else’s crying baby on an airliner. It’s worse than the sound of your parachute failing to open. Really, to get an idea of how awful it is, you’d have to sit a dog on a ham slicer.

So you’re sitting there with the engine screaming its head off, and your ears bleeding, and you’re doing only 23mph because that’s about the top speed, and you’re thinking things can’t get any worse, and then they do because you run over a small piece of grit.

Because the Honda has two motors, one that runs on petrol and one that runs on batteries, it is more expensive to make than a car that has one. But since the whole point of this car is that it could be sold for less than Toyota’s Smugmobile, the engineers have plainly peeled the suspension components to the bone. The result is a ride that beggars belief.

Read the article for yourself. You'll get a laugh for sure.

Week 2 - Domination

Last week I called the 49ers Week 1 victory over the Pigeons a "statement" game. So...if that was a statement game, what would you call what the Niners did to the Seabags today?

The final score -- 23-10 -- is a little deceptive. It just wasn't that close, especially after Matt Hasselback left the game with injured ribs just before halftime.

The tone was established early - the Niners were NOT going to get stuffed running the football the way they were last week. Frank Gore was amazing. He had two long touchdown runs - 79 and 80 yards each - and a total of 207 rushing yards. Shaun Hill had a mediocre start, but played very well in the second half.

But the defense! Oh my! This is NOT the same old, sorry 49er defense of years past. The defense completely dominated the Seabags. Seattle was held to under 300 yards of total offense. Nate Clements is FINALLY starting to play like he's worth the gigantic contract he signed last year. He was DOMINANT. 6 tackles and 4 passes defensed don't even BEGIN to tell the tale of how well he played.

Special teams were heavy on the "special" - they played great!

The Niners haven't been 2-0 nor have they shown this kind of promise since...what? 2002? It seems like forever. Here's hoping this is no mirage. Here's hoping that Coach Singletary has truly created a team in his own Hall of Fame image.

---

Now from the sublime to the ridiculous. Michael Crabtree is still holding out. Jerry Rice (you may have heard of him) has weighed in on the issue. C'mon, Michael! You're no Jerry Rice. You may not even be a Jerry Porter. Fish or cut bait!

Wiener of the Week

Jimmy Carter. It wasn't enough for him to fail miserably as President. He was, after all, one of the 10 worst Presidents in our nation's history (see here for a proper review of his "achievements").

No, for Mista Jimma, failure as President wasn't enough. He had higher goals. He has achieved the title of Most Toxic Ex-President EVER.

He tried to undermine Reagan. He tried to undermine Bush and the moron son of Bush. He even tried to undermine Clinton - from his own party!

Now he's stuck his moronic peanut face into the health care reform take-over issue. Here's what Mista Jimma had to say about those of us who are opposed to this Fascistic take-over of 1/7 of our nation's economy. First up, Joe Wilson.

Former President Jimmy Carter said Tuesday that U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson's outburst to President Barack Obama during a speech to Congress last week was an act "based on racism" and rooted in fears of a black president.

"I think it's based on racism," Carter said in response to an audience question at a town hall held at his presidential center in Atlanta. "There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president."

And then his comments on the Tea Party protesters.

"When a radical fringe element of demonstrators and others begin to attack the president of the United States as an animal or as a reincarnation of Adolf Hitler or when they wave signs in the air that said we should have buried Obama with Kennedy, those kinds of things are beyond the bounds," the Democrat who served from 1977-1981 told students at Emory University.

"I think people who are guilty of that kind of personal attack against Obama have been influenced to a major degree by a belief that he should not be president because he happens to be African American.

"It's a racist attitude, and my hope is and my expectation is that in the future both Democratic leaders and Republican leaders will take the initiative in condemning that kind of unprecedented attack on the president of the United States," Carter said.

Mista Jimma, let me help clarify things for you.

1. Il Duce was elected President in this "racist" country by an electoral landslide
2. His popularity rating has been as high as 70%
3. Both 1 and 2 would be impossible without a sizable number of white Americans, including white conservative Americans
4. His popularity has fallen as the Fascist nature of his policies has become more apparent - NOT because whitey woke up one day and suddenly realized that his President was "a darkie"
5. Cynically playing the race card to obfuscate the REAL issue is cowardly and further divides the American people
6. You suck

Jimmy Carter, you're a tool. And you're also the Wiener of the Week.

Update: My friends at The Tizona Group provided a link to this decision chart to help you determine if you're a racist if you disagree with Il Duce and his policies.

Playing fast and loose with the numbers

By now you've heard about the big Tea Party in Washington, DC last Saturday. The local media made such a big deal reporting about it in advance that I had no idea it was happening until it was over. Whatever.

I know it is SOP for protest event organizers to try to maximize the count in order to enhance the perception that their cause is highly supported. So it's not surprising that so-called "Conservatives" were reporting turnout in the 1 to 1.5 million range, with some even going as high as 2 million.

Likewise, it's SOP for those aligned in opposition to an event's purpose to minimize the count in order to diminish the perception that the opposition cause is highly supported. Hence the NY Times reporting that "thousands" had assembled in DC, and the Washington Compost reporting that "tens of thousands" were involved in the protest.

Did I just infer that Big Media (the BM for short) is standing in opposition to the Tea Party protesters? Inferring? No. Flat out stating as fact? Yes. More on that below.

Counts have been all over the map. I've seen counts as high as 2 million and as low as 20,000. The National Park Service unofficially estimated the crowd at between 950,000 and 1.2 million. My father-in-law heard somewhere that the "official" tally was 195,000.

Here's the rub. While an event of this type is a step in the right direction in letting our rulers know that we're getting fed up, goosing the turnout numbers is NOT going to help. The Million Man March lost most of its luster once the organizers tried to intimidate the Park Service into confirming that 1 million men were there (the Park Service estimated only around 600,000 in attendance for that event).

Now, back to the BM. The NY Times hid the story on page A37, below the fold. Contrast that with a story on a much smaller rally in Minnesota in favor of the government take-over of health care. That story was on Page A-35, ABOVE the fold. You say: big deal - two pages difference! But in the Sunday paper, two pages and a location above as opposed to below the fold are factors impacting which stories are read and which stories are overlooked. The NYT established plausible deniability because both stories are essentially buried. But the story in favor of Il Duce's excellent adventure will reach a small but significant number of people who won't view the other story.

Rather than duplicate effort, I call your attention to this entry on the NewsBusters website documenting the BM's rather unbecoming treatment of the event. More and more it seems that the BM is pro-Staat, anti-freedom.

Week 1 - a statement game

Well, well, well! Do my eyes deceive me? The Niners, a team nobody is giving a chance of doing anything this year, a team without its #1 draft choice, has defeated the defending NFC Champion Arizona Pigeons 20-16.

The funny thing about this win was that the Niners won in a game in which Frank Gore was a complete non-factor (22 carries, 30 yards). No, this win was all defense, with an important dash of Shaun Hill clutch performance thrown in to retake the lead in the 4th quarter.

Patrick Willis had a monster game. M-O-N-S-T-E-R. 13 tackles, 1 INT, 1 pass defensed. But he wasn't alone. Shawntae Spencer shut down all-world Larry Fitzgerald for the entire first half and much of the second. Parys Harrelson, Ray McDonald, and Justin Smith each had a sack. Smith also came up HUGE in the closing moments of the game, causing Kurt Warner to hurry his last-chance throw. Even that waste of oxygen Nate Clemens got a pick!

Shaun Hill is the man. On the go-ahead drive, he showed amazing poise in the face of a swarming Arizona defense.

I seem to recall a certain father of mine crowing about the Pigeons "kicking 49er ass". How do you like your crow served, father? Fried, steamed, or baked?

ESPN reported this morning that Michael Crabtree is planning to sit out the season. Please do! We don't want you. And, if today's game is any indication, we don't need you.

Heckled by my own father!

I guess my posts on Michael Crabtree and Toyota drivers must have touched a nerve. yodaddy opines via email.

About a couple of your recent rants: Wasn't Jerry Rice - Fred Bilentnikoff etc 1st round picks?

And about Toyota's: the best sedan we have ever owned was a Camry. I still drive a ten year old Toyota Tacoma.....no problems. Don't know what xfloggingkylex's problem with Toyota is but it isn't the car...it's the loose nuts on the steering wheel.

If you want something really worth ranting about...how about the National Felon's League policy of blacking out telecasts of home games that are not sold out at the outrageous prices they demand? Who are they punishing? Morons like me that can't afford the tickets and still like to watch the Cardinals kick 49er ass. luv...

Wow. Heckled by my own father! Awesome! That's kind of the gold standard for blogging, isn't it?

Okay, pater, let me address your "issues", one-by-one.

Wasn't Jerry Rice - Fred Bilentnikoff etc 1st round picks?

They certainly were. So, in the past 40 years (see here), were Charles Rogers, Peter Warrick, Ashley Lelie, R. Jay Soward, Matt Jones, OJ McDuffie, Yatil Green, Troy Williamson, Hart Lee Dykes, Freddie Mitchell, Reidel Anthony, Kevin Dyson, Desmond Howard, Michael Westbrook, and Rod Gardner. All were colossal busts. And for the Niners, add busts J.J. Stokes, Terry Beasley, and Rashaun Woods. So the Niners are 1 for 4 picking WRs in the first round since 1970. Not great odds.

Furthermore, in my original post where I wrote on the Vulture's First Law of the NFL Draft, I specifically allowed for once-in-a-decade/once-in-a-lifetime players like Rice and Biletnikoff.

Vulture's First Law of the NFL draft: Unless the player in question is a Jerry Rice, a Randy Moss, or a Larry Fitzgerald - that is to say, a once-in-a-decade or once-in-a-lifetime kind of player - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, N-E-V-E-R draft a Wide Receiver in the first round.

Can you honestly say that Michael Crabtree, a player whose college stats were inflated from playing in a gadget offense, is on a par with Jerry Rice, Randy Moss, Larry Fitzgerald, or Fred Biletnikoff? I can't.

Wide receivers aren't worth drafting in the first round not just because of the failure rate, but also because of the diva ego they bring along as baggage (see: Crabtree, Michael). It was an awful choice. Absolutely awful.

Now, about Toyotas. Neither xfloggingkylex nor I have anything untoward to say about the vehicles themselves. Toyota makes a quality, reliable, high-mileage line of vehicles. But the people who drive them.......well.........

I might have granted you an exception from that categorization, dear Father, except for that last bit of taunting you heaped upon your comments about NFL blackout rules.

Who are they punishing? Morons like me that can't afford the tickets and still like to watch the Cardinals kick 49er ass.

Really, now? Kick 49er ass.

How truly heartless! Please allow me the delusion (at least until kickoff) that the Niners have a chance tomorrow!!! Criminy!

Still, I love you, you old curmudgeon. Stay well.

Wiener of the Week

The only tough part about choosing the WotW this week is deciding which group of assclowns involved in this story should be the recipient.

CNN had some explaining to do on the air Friday morning, following its earlier report that the Coast Guard “tried to prevent a boat from entering a security zone on the Potomac River,” and that shots were fired not far from where President Obama commemorated the attacks on Sept. 11.

The network caused a stir on Twitter with the following: "BREAKING NEWS: Suspicious boat in river near Obama in DC. Police scanner reports of shots fired. Circumstances unclear."

It turns out the Coast Guard was involved in a training exercise.

Jeanne Meserve, CNN's homeland security correspondent, went on the air after to explain why the network reported on shots being fired.

"We saw things happening on the water," she said. "We could see boats racing around. And we were listening to Coast Guard radio traffic."

Meserve said she heard on the Coast Guard radio that 10 rounds had been fired.

CNN had based its initial story on reports from police scanners that shots had been fired, but had no independent confirmation.

Wait - it gets better.

White House spokesclown Robert Gibbs had the cajones to chastize CNN, notwithstanding CNN's lack of any prior knowledge of what was going on.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs chastised CNN Friday morning for its reporting on a Coast Guard training exercise on the Potomac River, which suggested a security incident was in progress in the nation's capital.

"Before we report things like this, checking would be good," Gibbs said.

Responding directly to a CNN reporter's question about whether the public should have been notified about a training exercise, Gibbs was harshly sarcastic: "If anybody was unnecessarily alarmed based on erroneous reporting that denoted that shots had been fired, I think everybody is apologetic about that."

Jeez! What a tool!

So who gets the award? The Coast Guard, for running a live fire drill on the Potomac River, spitting distance from the Pentagon, on 9-f'ing-11? The government spokesmouths, for not alerting the press in advance of the live fire drill? Or CNN, for going off half-cocked with an incendiary story without any idea of what was happening, and doing it on 9-f'ing-11?

You're welcome to opine, but I'm content to give it to "all of the above". Congratulations, tools! You're the Wiener of the Week!

Toyota Drivers

xfloggingkylex has been down on Toyota drivers for years. He has postulated that wherever there is a traffic backup, a Toyota driver is sure to be the cause. I used to discount this, but experience and a heightened awareness built on his observations have led me to conclude that in about 95% of cases, he's absolutely right.

He has pointed out that it appears that the Toyota Prius ships from the factory with an Obama '08 sticker on the bumper. I can't argue this; I don't believe I've seen a late-model Prius that DOESN'T have an Obama sticker on it.

If a Toyota doesn't have an Obama sticker on it, the next most likely bumper sticker it will have is "Coexist", possibly the most smug, self-righteous, and wrong-headed bumper sticker ever.

xfloggingkylex believes the drivers of Camrys and Toyota vans are the single biggest hazard on the road today. After today, I can't dispute his point.

Today I saw first-hand the single strangest thing I think I've seen in all of my years commuting the I-270 tortureway and the Capitol Beltway. Naturally, a Toyota van was involved.

As you can see in the picture (below), the van is toodling down I-270 oblivious to the fact that their driver's side passenger door is wide open. Wide. Freakin'. Open.

When I say that the driver was oblivious, I mean O-B-L-I-V-I-O-U-S. Completely unaware. I was only able to observe the vehicle for about 1 mile (I had to get over for my exit onto the Capitol Beltway), but at no time in that 1 mile did the driver show ANY awareness of the situation. I had to snap a picture - who would have believed it otherwise?

That does it! I'm tired of relying on a HURT-ing phone camera for pictures. I'm bringing my digital camera with me to work every day. Too many strange things happening on the road these days (see this for confirmation). I don't want to miss even one.

What's the moral of this story? The problem with stereotypes is that sometimes they're based on reality.

Click on picture to see full-size.

Mr. Wilson goes to Washington

At last there's someone in Washington who'll say what we're all thinking! Joe Wilson, come on down!

One of the most persistent conservative concerns about health care legislation is that it will provide health care to illegal immigrants -- and the heated claim spilled onto the floor of President Obama's address to a joint session of Congress this evening, where one Republican member called the president a liar for denying it.

"There are also those who claim that our reform effort will insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false - the reforms I'm proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally," President Obama said.

A loud voice from the Republican side of the hall answered, "You lie!" -- my colleague Glenn Thrush reports it was Rep. Joe Wilson (R - S.C.) -- drawing a second "It's not true," from Obama and a shake of Nancy Pelosi's head.

Team Elephant leadership: take notes and take note. THIS is how you battle radicals like Il Duce. Not by acting like prissy parliamentarians. Not by playing by the Marques de Queensbury rules. No, defeating Saul Alinsky tactics takes Saul Alinsky tactics.

Boo! Boo Michael Crabtree! Boo!

The season starts Sunday (well, technically tomorrow night with the Steelers vs. Titans kickoff special). And where is Michael MF'ing Crabtree? Still holding out. He's the ONLY draft choice still holding out.

Fabulous.

Another MF'ing wasted draft pick! I get so tired of this. Scot McCloughan - you suck! First, you broke Vulture's First Law of the NFL Draft (never draft a WR #1). And now the prima dona bitch is holding out. Good job! You'll be working for the Lions in no time. Asshat!

Crabtree has threatened to sit out the season and re-enter the draft next year. Please do! And I hope it's every bit as successful for you as it was for Mike Williams.

Okay, now on to my bold pre-season predictions (guaranteed to be wrong, or twice your money back).

NFC East: Eagles (11-5)
NFC North: Vikings (11-5)
NFC South: Saints (10-6)
NFC West: 49ers (9-7)
NFC W/C: Giants (11-5) and Bears (10-6)

AFC East: Patriots (13-3)
AFC North: Steelers (11-5)
AFC South: Colts (12-4)
AFC West: Chargers (11-5)
AFC W/C: Ravens (11-5) and Titans (11-5)

NFC Championship Game: Giants at Eagles
AFC Championship Game: Ravens at Patriots

NFC Champion: Giants
AFC Champion: Patriots
Super Bowl Champion: Patriots

The 49ers will win the gawd-awful West by default. The Cardinals will return to playing Cardinals football (cover your eyes awful). The Rams are pitiful. And the Seabags are too old and brittle (not to mention their coach is dreadful).

But the Niners won't get past the first round of the playoffs. Too many holes. Too many need positions...like the ones that could have been filled if we hadn't drafted that asshat Michael Crabtree!

Boo! Boo Michael Crabtree! Boo!

An honest assessment

There's a reason why Camille Paglia is the one left-leaning columnist I consider a must-read. She is unfailingly honest. Though she supported Obama in '08 (and continues to support him now), she is not above criticizing him or his administration. She is one of the few Liberals to listen to rather than simply demonize blather radio (I don't know how she does it - I can't take more than about 20 minutes of that crap before I want to blow my brains out, especially if the blatherer in question is that gasbag pretentious phony Rush Limbaugh, who's nothing more than a cheerleader for Team Elephant).

Her latest column is further proof of her honesty. I can't do it justice with excerpts - please read it, you'll be glad you did. There are two paragraphs I will excerpt just to whet your appetite (I read them and said to myself, "I wish I'd written that!").

Throughout this fractious summer, I was dismayed not just at the self-defeating silence of Democrats at the gaping holes or evasions in the healthcare bills but also at the fogginess or insipidity of articles and Op-Eds about the controversy emanating from liberal mainstream media and Web sources. By a proportion of something like 10-to-1, negative articles by conservatives were vastly more detailed, specific and practical about the proposals than were supportive articles by Democrats, which often made gestures rather than arguments and brimmed with emotion and sneers. There was a glaring inability in most Democratic commentary to think ahead and forecast what would or could be the actual snarled consequences -- in terms of delays, denial of services, errors, miscommunications and gross invasions of privacy -- of a massive single-payer overhaul of the healthcare system in a nation as large and populous as ours. It was as if Democrats live in a utopian dream world, divorced from the daily demands and realities of organization and management.

Those of you on the political Right are applauding and hooting in appreciation right now. Hang on - she's got something for you as well.

Having said all that about the failures of my own party, I am not about to let Republicans off the hook. What a backbiting mess the GOP is! It lacks even one credible voice of traditional moral values on the national stage and is addicted to sonorous pieties of pharisaical emptiness. Republican politicians sermonize about the sanctity of marriage while racking up divorces and sexual escapades by the truckload. They assail government overreach and yet support interference in women's control of their own bodies. Advanced whack-a-mole is clearly needed for that yammering smarty-pants Newt Gingrich, who is always so very, very pleased with himself but has yet to produce a single enduring thought. The still inexplicably revered George W. Bush ballooned our national deficits like a drunken sailor and clumsily exacerbated the illegal immigration debate. And bizarrely, the hallucinatory Dick Cheney, a fake-testosterone addict who spooked Bush into a pointless war, continues to be lauded as presidential material.

Like I said - I wish I had written that! May both parties go the way of the Whigs, the Federalists, the Tories, and the Bull Moose parties.

Read Paglia and grok an honest assessment of the current political climate.

Gee, what's all the hubbub?

Il Duce just can't believe all the hubbub over his planned indoctrination of school children on Tuesday.

The White House on Friday dismissed as pointless the furor over President Barack Obama's plan to deliver a televised back-to-school speech to the nation's students.

"I think we've reached a little bit of the silly season when the president of the United States can't tell kids in school to study hard and stay in school," presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs told reporters. "I think both political parties agree that the dropout rate is something that threatens our long-term economic success."

Yeah. About that. If you think we're so stupid that we believe that all Il Duce is going to do is give a "stay in school" pep talk, then you're stupider than you think we are.

Please! This is a page straight out of Stalin, Mussolini, and Hitler. Indoctrinate the children. Indoctrinate the children. Indoctrinate the children.

The original press release regarding Il Duce's speech to the school children indicated that the speech's goal is to promote a sense of responsibility within each student for their educational success. But, given the Obama administration's penchant for inserting their message within seemingly innocent "theme" videos (see this example), parents are justified in being alarmed.

Il Duce brought this on himself with his thuggish behavior during the past 8 months. This ain't Chicago, bro. We don't take too kindly to these Mayor Daley-style strong-arm tactics. You need to take a step back and reconsider your tactics before you make Jimmy Carter look like the quintessence of Presidential success.

Wiener of the Month - August

Last night I watched a special on the National Geographic Channel called 9-11: Science and Conspiracy. It was fascinating. NGC set out to examine via exhaustive scientific proofs the 9-11 Truth Movement's (Truthers) various theories on the attacks.

Two things quickly became evident during the course of the show. The first is that I should have gotten into a field where I could burn things and blow shit up. I was SOOOOO very entertained by the various experiments such as burning 700 gallons of jet fuel to see if it could weaken a girder (it could: in less than 4 minutes, as a matter of fact).

The second is that the so-called Truthers are impervious to, well, Truth. Each and every experiment rebutting one of their contentions was met with some lame-ass explanation as to why it was "irrelevent" or "incorporated massaged data". These people believe what they believe and neither Heaven nor Earth will move them from their wacky, tin-foil hat tenets.

The funny thing is, I'll bet the lot of them are atheists and deride believers in Jesus as being simple-minded morons. And yet each and every one of them shows the same blind "faith" in their ridiculous cause that they accuse Christians of showing with their believe in Jesus. The problem for them is that belief in Jesus makes a whole lot more sense and stands the scrutiny of the historical record a whole lot better than their little tin-foil hat conspiracy does. Ironic, no?

As someone who refuses to swallow the official government version of most events, I can understand the scepticism of the Truthers. Really, I can. But, c'mon folks! Have the decency to admit when you're wrong.

Truthers, you're the Wiener of the Month for August 2009.

Wiener of the Week

Van Jones is out. But if you get your news from Big Media (the BM for short), you have no idea WHY he's out.

So naturally, the Denver Post hasn't yet printed a word about the (now former) Green Jobs Czar. The Washington Post and New York Times, would-be papers of record, finally got around to covering the controversy just in time for Jones to resign. As with the Eason Jordan affair, readers' could be forgiven for not knowing that there even was a problem, right up until the moment that the (nor former) advisor resigned.

Here is the skinny on Jones. He's a rabid Marxist. He's a Truther (more one those morons in a later post). He's a racist. But, unless you've watched Fox News or listened to blather radio during the past week, you probably didn't even know about Van Jones or even about the 40+ 'Czars' in Il Duce's White House.

Thanks, BM, for serving your purpose as the Defenders of Democracy propaganda arm of the Obama administration.

And, oh yeah, you're the Wiener of the Week.

Upon further review...

The following exchange of comments took place Monday in regard to my post about Gordon Brown's complicity in the release of the Lockerbee mastermind.

And just why are you letting BP off the hook? I might just cancel my sunny yellow credit card, and take my oil business elsewhere.

Toes

---

Letting BP off the hook? By no means! I just hadn't considered them anywhere near as culpable as Old Gordo.

What BP did was corrupt and immoral. But Brown is entrusted with the safety and well-being of the nation. Therefore, for him to do something so flagrantly immoral is unconscionable.

BP SHOULD be called to task for their complicity. Feel free to shelve the sunny yellow card.

Vulture

The more I've thought about it, the more I'm of the opinion that I WAS remiss in not addressing the immorality of British Petroleum for their part in this scandal.

The problem with multi-national corporations is that they put more stock in the 'multi' than in the 'national'. BP couldn't give two shits about Great Britain and its future. They, like all of the other looters and plunderers who seem to have taken over in the corporate world, are too busy looking forward to the great One-World Socialist Utopia they have in store for us to be bothered with little niggling issues like the security of their homeland.

We are actually living Atlas Shrugged. It's mind-blowing.