Monday, February 11, 2008

The Potomac Primaries

Tomorrow is Subpar Tuesday - the Potomac Primaries. Maryland, Virginia, and the District of Calamity get to vote for the nubbins leftovers from Super Tuesday (and before). Do we get a chance to decide between John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Ron Paul, Rudy Guiliani, Mitt Romney, Duncan Hunter, and Fred Thompson? Do we get to select from Hilary "666" Clinton, Barack Obama, Dennis "Alien" Kucinich, Bill Richardson, Joe "Hairplugs" Biden, or Chris Dodd? Nope, and Nope. Aren't primaries great? Places you wouldn't visit, let alone live in, get to decide who everyone else get to vote for. Thanks, Iowa! Thanks, Vermont! Thanks, Massachusetts and Georgia!

Okay, the subject of why the primaries are structured the way they are (hint: so that the ruling elite can front-load the folks most likely to vote for a continuation of the quest for One-World Socialist Utopia) can wait.

Right now, I want to discuss something extremely important. It's times like this that I wish I had a larger reader pool. Because what I'm about to say is something I want to shout from the rooftops.

Attention Mid-Atlantic region voters: if you have a dog in this race, one of the five remaining candidates for whom you feel a great affinity and desire to support, please vote for them in good conscience. But if you feel like you have to hold your nose to vote for one of the front-runners, I would humbly suggest that you do no such thing. There's no time like right now to register a protest vote to let the ruling elite know that we are NOT on board with their sham candidates. A vote for Hillary, Obama, McCommie, or Huckabee, is a vote that says to the ruling elite, "Thanks for giving me a candidate I can get behind!" On the other hand, a vote for Ron Paul, or a write-in vote for one of the previously-eliminated candidates whose policy leanings are more in keeping with your personal beliefs sends a message to the elite that they can kiss our hairy backsides.

Will it change the results of the election? NOT AT ALL! The die has been cast; it's Hillary vs. McCommie, and may the best socialist win. But the more people do this, the more the parties will have no choice but to rectify the primary format so that half the country isn't voting for nubbins leftovers from maleducated asshats in the "chosen" front-loaded states.

And, contrary to what some may say, staying home is NOT an option. You might say that voting lends legitimacy to the charade...and you may be right. But how is the ruling elite to know whether they're dealing with a populous fed up with their crap, or whether low voting numbers reflect a bunch of Gen-X slackers who can't be bothered to put down the joint and get off the couch long enough to vote? I say vote, and vote for whomever is going to most piss off the elite!